White Flower, Silver Moon
by Aster912
Summary: Narcissa Malfoy is a coldhearted woman with little compassion for anyone. But Narcissa Black was a different person entirely. Her life and times, the choices made for her, and the man she truly loved.
1. Chapter 1

_Sometimes, on cold winter nights, during snowstorms, the wind howls so that I awaken in the middle of the night. My bedroom is almost as bright as day, for the sky in a snowstorm is a bright orange violet color, and reflects the light of the world, the street lamps sputtering outside. I rise from my bed, neglectful of the cold, and walk to the windows. My curtains are simple white gossamer – almost transparent. I push them aside lightly and look out onto the world, the sheet of snow blanketing the ground, the flakes, some as big as large white eyes, falling from the sky, whirling in torrents, falling to earth. Sometimes I see my reflection, in a window like a mirror, staring at me, seeing everything but the color of my eyes, blue as the sky on any normal day. And I wonder how I began, if I began, where I began – if only I could remember who I used to be._

She was a miracle child, something exquisite and wonderful, something too beautiful to touch, an alien creature sprung to life from merely ordinary parents. She sat there in a blue dress, hair like spun gold around her shoulders, wide blue eyes looking at everyone as if she was trying to figure them out. Innocent and all-knowing, almost a divine creature, a goddess or a queen, only six years old.

Almost all-knowing, he thought to himself as he stared at her. He was only eleven years old, but he knew exactly why he had come here, why his parents had dragged him almost three hours away from home on a Saturday afternoon. It wasn't to drink tea, no matter what they had told him. Once boys from good families reached his age, the marriage arrangements began. He had been trucked to a different home every weekend for the past three months, in search of the perfect bride-to-be. Not that he had any say on the subject; families in search of an appropriate spouse for their youngsters could hardly ask their children's opinion in matters as important as a proper marriage proposal. But, to his surprise, he approved of the choice that his parents had made. Everyone had seen the two of them and proclaimed the match "perfect".

They hadn't come with much enthusiasm, he reflected, studying the girl again. Her family was known for having hair as dark as their name, and deep-set, watchful eyes. He had seen a picture of the girl's eldest sister, who was engaged to marry a neighbor of his, and although her hair was shiny-black, her eyes were so deeply hooded that she looked dark, devious. Nobody could have called her pretty. But the stories had begun to fly that the youngest Black child was something to behold, a child of almost legendary beauty. She was only six; even in their world, she was far too young to be betrothed. But his parents were banking that their name and family history would be enough to lure the Black family into making such a favorable alliance, no matter what their child's age.

The two families were signing the papers that very moment.

"So," Maria Malfoy said slowly, "the marriage will take place in exactly twelve years' time. Lucius will be twenty-two, and Narcissa will be – eighteen. Yes. That would be perfect." Her gaze drifted over to the small blond child sitting serenely in one of the garden chairs, completely oblivious to what was going on. "And what a beautiful child she is, indeed, Hecate."

"Thank you," the woman sitting across from his mother replied, taking a slow sip of tea from a china cup and trying not to look proud. She failed miserably, "We have done our humble best to bring her up well."

"She'll be the perfect bride for our Lucius. Demure, modest, retiring – all perfect qualities in a bride, don't you agree?"

"Exactly," the woman said, "So we are in agreement? Narcissa will attend school and reside with us until the age of 18, and then she will wed Lucius at your manor? This is acceptable?"

His parents nodded, and her parents sat back, looking pleased. He glanced quickly again at the little girl, and noticed she was not there.

Had she wandered off?

He slid off of his chair and began to amble around the side of the house. It was a large house, with a sizeable garden, though neither so big as his parents'. When his mother and father had predicted the Black family would be agreeable to a favorable marriage alliance with them, they hadn't been kidding. With their daughter marrying a Malfoy, their stock would rise sky-high.

There she was. Standing in a patch of roses, staring intently at something in the grass. He followed her line of vision, and then stepped back, astonished, and a little amused.

Two boys with untidy dark hair were roughhousing, fighting like Muggles during a boxing tournament. The elder pinned his brother to the ground and began to tear at his hair. The younger, struggling, bit his brother on the bare skin of his arm. A yelp of pain, a snarl, and the two were at it again.

"Lucius?"

His mother was calling. He watched as his child bride turned to see the speaker, her expression not changing. She was most definitely a girl who was too shy to do anything more than watch life from the sidelines, he thought. Somehow, it didn't trouble him; on the contrary, he found that very agreeable. He didn't reply, only stood there and waited. The two ragamuffins in the yard had apparently heard nothing; they continued on as they had been.

"Lucius? Lucius!"

And there was his mother, and his father, and the girl's parents, coming round the corner of the house. All four wore expressions of shock and horror. His parents looked appalled. The girl's parents flushed a bright, horrid red, from mortification perhaps? He grinned; this was more fun than he had had in a long time.

"Louis, do something!" the girl's mother cried. She reached over and pulled the girl back towards her, as if she was trying to shield her from the two urchins wrestling on the grass, although she was nowhere near them.

The girl's father pushed past his parents and ran at the two boys. He yanked one off the other and began to shake them.

"How dare you behave like this in my household? Wait until your mother comes to fetch you! Now get inside and go to the guestroom! You're going to be punished!" And here he flung them forward, so they tripped on the grass and fell face-forward. The younger, frightened-looking, ran off towards the house and didn't look back. The elder stood up and dusted off his pants, glowering first at the girl's father, and then turning towards him. He stared, somewhat surprised. This boy was perhaps a year older than the girl. He had black hair, shaggy, untidy, and clothes may have been expensive, but they were coated in dirt. He didn't look like the relation of the Blacks. He looked like a street urchin. Or a Muggle, even.

"What's this?" he said snidely, glaring, "Another suitor for one of the Black girls? This would make all three of them married off, wouldn't it?" He leered, even though he was at least four years younger than him. "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into." He eyed the small blonde girl.

"Although, after all I've heard, maybe I should say the same to her – "

"INTO THE HOUSE!" the girl's father bellowed, whipping his wand out of his pocket.

The dark-haired boy stared angrily, then turned and began to run towards the house. The girl's father looked towards her mother, who leaned over to the small girl and said,

"Narcissa, honey, I think it's time you went in, too. Stay in your room and don't come out until I come in. Under NO CONDITION are you to play with your cousins, do you understand? Go find Trixie or Andromeda to play with you. Scoot." She gently pushed her small daughter towards the door of the house. The little girl stared at her quizzically, then shrugged her thin shoulders in the blue dress and walked amicably towards the house, completely unaware of the danger just presented to her future in the past few minutes' time.

He stared from his parents to the girl's parents, who still seemed shaken. His mother broke the silence icily.

"Well, I think we may need to do some reconsidering, after seeing what kind of trash you allow your daughter to associate with."

"They are purebloods," her father managed, "My brother's children, Sirius and Regulus. They live with us on weekends – their father, my brother, is dead, their mother –" he floundered helplessly for an explanation that wouldn't come, "they're only seven and six years old, it was nothing but childish play."

"You may call it childish play," his father broke in, "But for a small girl intent on making a good impression on her future family, it could cause irreparable damage!"

Silence reigned. He signed, shuffled his feet. So the pretty blonde would not be his bride after all. It figured. He never seemed to get his way. But that would change, sooner or later. His eyes flashed. He was bound and determined, and he was going to school this fall. Yes. Then, everything would change.

Finally, his mother spoke.

"We cannot trust that a child raise in an environment with boys like that living in the same house, acting like Muggles and God knows what else, ruining her chances at a future," she said, calm, cold, and serene. "I do not think that we can allow our son to marry a girl growing up in this environment."

The girl's father drew himself up stiffly, "Then you may seek another girl in some home you consider of high quality," he began, but his mother stopped him.

"Nevertheless, we will honor the papers signed – on the condition that little Narcissa lives with us, in our household, where we can keep an eye on our investment."

He raised his eyebrows; this was getting interesting. The girl's mother turned white; her father stared.

"Narcissa – would go and live with you?" Her brown eyes widened; her fingers began to shake, "My Narcissa?"

"Until she is eleven, of course," his mother said sleekly, "Then she will go to school, as promised. She can visit, of course, but only on special occasions. And Lucius will of course accompany her."

Hecate Black looked as if she might faint. She grabbed her husband's arm to steady herself, "Louis – no – "

But Louis Black was staring intently at the Malfoy's with something like malevolence in his eyes. He seemed to be weighing his love for his daughter with his desire to see the Black family name upheld. Finally, he said, "But how can we trust that her virtue will be protected? There must be some limitation to her living with you. How can we be sure – " His voice trailed off, but everyone knew exactly what he meant.

His father stepped forward, "A binding spell. She will be kept in a wing of our house, sequestered there, and only you two will have the power to allow someone in to break it. We will ask your permission, of course, through the Floor Network. She will be as safe in there as – "

"As Rapunzel in her tower," Hecate spat bitterly.

Maria Malfoy raised an eyebrow.

"If the idea does not appeal to you, Hecate, there are, of course, other eligible families."

"No," Louis Black interrupted, "Done and done. We will bring Narcissa to your manor in one weeks' time. Come, Hecate." He bowed slightly, almost ironically, and guided his shaken wife towards the door of their house.

The boy looked at his father and mother, who were half-smiling, almost cruelly. His mother noticed him looking at them and cuffed him around the head gently.

"That, Lucius," she said, "is how you get your way in life."


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: The author does not own the rights to the characters, places, and events belonging to the Harry Potter books, c. J.K. Rowling. However, all plotlines are author's own.**

**This chapter is dedicated to my sister, who got me started at Please read/review.**

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Sixteen-year-old Narcissa Black opened her school trunk and began sorting through her things. Another school year had come. Was it really only two more years until graduation? She could hardly believe it. Where had the summer gone?

"Exactly where it always goes," she thought ironically, "Wasted away in my gilded tower at the Malfoy's, like some sort of faerie tale princess."

She took a gray sweater, a gray pleated skirt, a green and silver tie, and a pair of knee socks and laid them across her plush padded chair, so she wouldn't have to search for them, sleepy-eyed, on the first day of classes. If she was nothing else, Narcissa was neat and organized. She'd had a lot of time to be. At the end of every school year, she went back into her quarters at the Malfoy's, and saw nobody else until the school year began. Then she was trotted out again, for the fall semester. Narcissa was getting rather tired of the go-around from both of her families.

She drew a fat wad of letters out of her trunk. Her father hardly ever wrote – he thought that the attachment was unwise and that Narcissa should get to know her new family rather than cling to her old. But her mother wrote faithfully ever single week – or had until she had passed away, suddenly, the spring that Narcissa had turned 12. Narcissa traced her fingertip over her mother's familiar writing, the yellowing sheets of parchment. How could it still hurt? Did that sort of pain ever fade away?

Her eldest sister, Bellatrix, had been married last summer. Narcissa had attended the wedding, with Lucius Malfoy, her fiancé. He was Trixie's age, exactly, and had been good friends with her own fiancé, Rodolphus Lestrange. The two of them had stood silently as the older sister Narcissa had never gotten to know walked down the aisle and became Mrs. Lestrange. During the vows, Lucius had squeezed Narcissa's hand and whispered, "In another two years, that will be us."

That will be us…

Narcissa pushed the thought out of her head and began thumbing through the letters again. Her other sister, Andromeda, also wrote, not as faithfully as their mother had, but enough. Her letters had improved in quantity after she had seen Narcissa at Trixie's wedding. She had run up to her and Lucius, a tall girl with mousy brown hair and eyes that were far too wide, the plainest of the three sisters, and embraced Narcissa as one would a long-lost relative.

"You're so beautiful!" Andromeda kept saying, tears in her eyes, "You've grown so pretty over the years, Narcissa!"

Although Lucius hadn't approved, Narcissa and Andromeda had stuck together like burrs the entire day, talking and trying to catch up. They had seen very little of each other ever since their mother's death. Narcissa felt a quick stab of sadness. What would her life have been like, if Andromeda and she had always been close?

They had barely even seen each other in school. Andromeda was two years older than she was, and as long as Lucius had been in school, nobody was allowed to speak to "his" Narcissa unless they had his permission. He escorted her to classes and he sat with her at dinner. Narcissa had been a child then – only eleven, then twelve, and so on. Finally, when she was thirteen, Lucius graduated, and she thought she would finally be able to really get to know people at school, make some friends.

Apparently not. Lucius had obviously planned for a time when he would not be there to watch her every step, and had employed several of his friends to keep an eye on Narcissa. The next two years were even lonelier than the first three – only now, instead of Lucius, she had nobody to talk to. Nobody was willing to cross Lucius Malfoy.

Narcissa's lips formed a hesitant smile. All that was past, now, of course. All of Lucius' friends had graduated, except for Severus Snape, who was her age and her year in school and who was too shy and quiet to even think of coming near her, much less follow her around school looking for a reason to report her to Lucius – not that there had ever been one. And Lucius was on a tour of Europe with his mother and father for a year. He would not even be in England, and it would be difficult to get an owl to him, even if anyone tried. For one whole year, Narcissa would be free.

* * *

"I'm very disappointed in you, Narcissa. Not your best work."

Professor McGonagall dropped a sheet of parchment onto Narcissa's desk and moved forward along the rows of students. Narcissa glumly lifted the sheet and turned it over. D. She crumpled it up into a ball and dropped her head into her hands.

What did it matter? What did grades matter at all? She had never felt lonelier in her life. There was nobody here who cared about her, and nobody outside of school who cared if she was happy – except for Lucius, whom she felt only cared about her so far as he cared about anything he owned, and for Andromeda, who hadn't written in several weeks. Narcissa was miserable. What did school matter anyway? Lucius' parents had told her many times that, as the wife of a Malfoy, she was not expected to have a job or occupation. She was going to be a housewife, take charge of Lucius' manor, raise his children. The thought was dismal. Narcissa felt like crying.

The bell rang, signaling the end of class. She threw her books and quill into her book bag and raced for the door. She had to get out, to take a walk on the grounds, to go anywhere, do anything, except for sit here and think about how dismal her future was going to be.

It was a beautifully clear autumn day, the type where the sky is a perfectly bright blue, no clouds at all in the sky, and the leaves are brilliant in red and yellows and oranges. Narcissa kicked at some of the fallen leaves, dropped her book bag on the ground, lay down, spreading her corn silk hair around her like a beautiful halo. Her eyes reflected the sky, she felt herself spiraling into sleep. Let everything go away, she begged. Let me wake up an entirely different person. Why must all the good things be reserved for everyone else? Why can't I have what they have?

"Narcissa? Narcissa?"

Someone was nudging her shoulder. Narcissa's blue eyes fluttered open, saw a black shoe inches from her face. She rolled over, leaves in her hair, and looked up.

Her cousin, Sirius, was standing over her, looking down, smirking. His best friend, James Potter, was standing next to him. Both of them were wearing the school uniform, but James' sleeves were rolled up and Sirius had loosened his tie. Sirius had something crumpled in his fist.

"Kind of late for you to be sleeping out on the grass," he drawled, "especially so close to the Forbidden Forest. And are those leaves in your hair?" He reached down and plucked a gold maple leaf from Narcissa's gold hair.

James guffawed, "Almost looks like she was out here with someone. What would Lucius say if he knew what his trophy bride was doing out near the forest this afternoon?"

Sirius laughed unkindly.

Narcissa's face was on fire.

"Don't call me that!" she snapped. She stood up and gathered her things in her arms, flustered. "What are you doing out here, anyway? Spying on me for Lucius?"

Sirius sneered, "Do you really think I'd speak to him? I got this letter for you by accident. Your sister really needs to learn that you're a Malfoy now, not a Black, and stop sending the owls to the wrong last name."

"I am not a Malfoy," Narcissa snarled. Not yet, she thought unhappily. She held her hand out, "Give me the letter."

"Someone's a little testy," James snickered, "Is the honeymoon over, sweetie pie? Or is it just that it never began?"

"Give me the letter!" And Narcissa reached out and ripped it from her cousin's hand. Before he could grab for it, she fled for the castle as fast as her legs would carry her.

When she reached the safety of the walls, she hid herself in one of the crooks, and tore the letter open. Why had it been so long since Andromeda had written? Hungrily, her eyes searched the letter, eating the words, swallowing them whole:

"Narcissa –

I know it has been a long time since I wrote to you, and I realize that the burden of this falls on me. I know you have been writing to me – you always were faithful in your correspondence. But I have not been receiving your letters; Father has been burning them upon their arrival, for the past few months. I will explain why in a minute, but first I need to make something perfectly clear to you.

Narcissa, you are my sister – sometimes, I feel, my only sister, and the only person I can trust. And I love you more than you'll probably ever know. I am sorry that I didn't get to know you when you were little. If Mother and Father hadn't sold you in marriage to the Malfoys, I think things would have been much different between us. I think maybe you would have had a chance at happiness.

When I saw you at Trixie's wedding this summer, I told you that you were so beautiful, and this is true. But I see nothing but sadness in your eyes. You're like a caged bird, Narcissa, someone who has never tasted love or happiness. You need to break free; you need to feel something besides captivity and obedience. You have a spark of fire in you, and it's struggling to get out. You must free it.

It's time to tell you why I am writing to you now. I have broken my wedding engagement to Evan Rosier. Yes, Father knows, and yes, this is why he was burning your letters. He locked me in my room and refused to let me out unless I recanted my decision (not surprising at all, is it? What is it with him and his cure-all decision to lock his daughters in gilded cages?). I finally managed to escape, and I have eloped with a man named Theodore Tonks. I can almost see your surprised expression as you read this letter. Yes, Tonks is a non-magical name. He is a Muggle, Narcissa. I gave up my family name and my father's love (if I ever really had it in the first place) to marry a Muggle-born. And I do not, for one minute, regret that decision.

Despite what our father and the Malfoys may have taught you, dear, you have a choice in what happens in your life. You can marry Lucius Malfoy, and live out your days in that gilded cage, seeing and feeling nothing but what you are told to. Or you can escape, give up the riches and the trapping, and live the life of your choosing. I urge you, Narcissa, from the bottom of my heart – if you have a chance at happiness, seize it with all your strength, and never let it go. Do not wait, or hesitate for a moment. Take it, run with it, and hold on to it.

I will still write to you, faithfully as I can. You are the darling of my heart, Narcissa, and I will never abandon you.

Love always,

Andromeda"

Long before the letter was completed, Narcissa had spotted the page with her tears. When she finished, she folded it gently and slipped it into her book bag. Then, quietly, she began to cry.


	3. Chapter 3

Professor McGonagall was circling the class again, dropping pieces of parchment on desks as she went. Lily Evans crossed her fingers under her desk. She was fairly sure that she'd merited full marks –

McGonagall dropped a piece of parchment on her desk unceremoniously and walked on. Lily turned the paper over. An O, as usual. She grinned happily and stuffed the paper into her book bag. Maybe she could squeeze in a quick snack before Charms –

Oh no, she thought as she looked over at the doorway. James Potter was standing there again, staring at her with that same self-important grin on his face. And Sirius Black, standing there behind him, seemed to be staring at someone else entirely. Lily followed his gaze until it landed on a skinny blonde girl in the first row, who looked completely and utterly miserable. It was that Slytherin girl, Narcissa Black. Wasn't she Sirius' cousin? Why did she look so miserable?

The bell rang. Lily reluctantly slid out of her seat. I would give anything – anything! – if I could get out of speaking to James Potter right now, she thought furiously.

"Lily Evans?"

She turned. McGonagall was looking right at her.

"Please come up to the front. You too, Narcissa. I'd like to have a word with you."

Lily shouldered her bag and walked right past James' and Sirius' surprised faces towards the front of the class. Narcissa was already standing there, looking red-faced and humiliated. Of course, Lily thought furiously. Those two were always giving Narcissa a hard time. Just like they did to everyone else.

"Mr. Black, Mr. Potter," McGonagall said dryly, "if you have nothing to say to me or these two young ladies, I suggest you give us a moment, and find something more constructive to do."

James and Sirius slouched out of the doorway, but not before James gave Lily a final meaningful look.

Gits, Lily thought dismissively.

McGonagall waved her wand, and the door shut firmly. She looked at Narcissa.

"Miss Black, I must inform you that your marks thus far this term are, at best, remedial."

Narcissa gave a quick jerk of her head in assent.

"I do not understand why you are having so much trouble in my class, but it is obvious that you are not going to clear this grade level unless you have some assistance."

She turned to Lily.

"Miss Evans, I would like you to tutor Miss Black in Transfiguration. For extra credit, of course."

"Ma'am?" Lily replied, surprised. She did not understand why McGonagall had picked her. There were plenty of students in the sixth year, and many in the seventh, who were better in Transfiguration than she was. If Narcissa had required a tutor for Potions, that would have been something much different –

"Until Miss Black raises her marks significantly, I would like you to tutor her, only two or three times a week as necessary. You are a capable student of Transfiguration; you two should work together nicely."

"Yes, ma'am." Lily did not know what else to say.

"Does that suit you, Miss Black?" McGonagall asked unnecessarily.

Narcissa nodded, eyes downcast.

"Very well," McGonagall replied, "You are dismissed."

Narcissa shouldered her book bag and waited for Lily to walk for the door. But she did not walk beside Lily – rather, she hung back, as if she wanted Lily to walk ahead of her. Lily could feel rather than see the blue eyes looking ahead at her back.

"Well," she said, turning, "What day would be a good day for –"

But Narcissa Black had vanished.

Lily stared at the empty corridor. How had the girl managed to slip away so quickly? And why?

"All right there, Evans?"

Lily groaned, "I should have known," she murmured.

James Potter and Sirius Black again.

"What do you two want?" she asked stiffly.

"Same old, same old," Sirius grinned.

"There's a Hogsmeade weekend coming up," James began hopefully.

"No," Lily said flatly.

James stared, "Why not?"

"Because I'm busy," she replied.

"You don't even know when it is yet," he retorted darkly.

"I'm going to be busy every weekend you ask me," Lily countered, with a twinge of wicked glee.

James looked furious. "Come on," he said to Sirius.

But Sirius was interested in something else, "Hey, Evans, why did McGonagall keep you late?"

"None of your business."

"Come on," he said, "I saw you in there with my cousin. What did she have to say? Is she flunking out?" he asked hopefully.

Lily dropped her book bag on the floor. Cursing, she shouldered it again, "McGonagall asked me to help Narcissa with her lessons, that's all."

"Figures," Sirius said gleefully, "She really is a hopeless case."

"Who cares," James was sullen. "Let's get out of here."

"Oy, Moony!" Sirius suddenly called, to the hallway behind Lily.

The only friend of James Potter that Lily Evans didn't mind being in the presence of was coming towards them, arms laden with books, looking tired and bedraggled. His sandy brown hair was falling in his eyes, and he pushed it back almost absent-mindedly. For what she felt was probably the millionth time, Lily reflected on the secret reason why Remus Lupin sometimes looked so handsome that girls just ate their hearts out over him – and other times looked like he was inches away from dropping dead. He wasn't as darkly good-looking as James, or as tall and handsome as Sirius, but there was certainly something about him that made girls sit up and take notice.

"Hi, guys. Lily," Remus greeted her warmly, "How have you been?"

"Pretty good," she said, smiling. Out of the corner of her eye she could see James turning red with anger, "Getting ready for NEWTS?"

"You have no idea," he replied emphatically, "All of this studying – going to drive me mad."

"You look a bit run-down," Lily said, "and your hair – "

She reached up and brushed the stray lock from Remus' face.

"Thanks," he said.

James' ears were practically pouring smoke.

"Well, then," Sirius said loudly, "love to stay and chat, Evans, but Lupin and Potter and I have – some stuff to do. So we'll see you around – or not."

"Bye, boys," Lily grinned.

James turned his back and stalked down the hall without another word. Sirius followed behind as closely as he could. Remus watched them, bemused, and shook his head. "See you later, Lily," he smiled.

"Do you have a second, Remus?" Lily asked.

"Sure. James didn't seem TOO mad just then."

"I didn't want to ask you until Sirius was gone."

"Funny; I'd always thought it was James you couldn't stand," Remus grinned tiredly.

"It's not that," Lily thought for a minute, "It's about Sirius' cousin. Narcissa Black, do you know her?"

"You mean that blonde girl in your year who is always sitting by herself at dinner?"

"Yeah, that's her."

Remus frowned. "I know of her. Never spoke to her, though. She seems nice enough – although you'd never know it from Sirius. He acts like he has a personal grudge against her. Don't know why; she seems nice enough, but hardly says a word to anybody. Why? Do you know her?"

"Not exactly. I've heard Sirius saying things about his family, and I know he couldn't stand his cousin Bellatrix – she graduated a few years ago."

"I remember her," Remus said slowly, "Tall with creepy eyes. But he always seemed to get along with her sister Andromeda. Do you remember her? The awkward looking one who was nice to everybody?"

"No, I don't," Lily replied absently. "But I'm not worried about what he thinks about Narcissa – it's more of what he does to her. I see her in class every day. She always looks so – so miserable. And it's gotten worse, lately. McGonagall seems to think that she's having trouble in class, and she's asked me to tutor her, but I think it's more along the lines of trouble at home."

"She doesn't live with her family," Remus pointed out, "She lives with the Malfoys. She's betrothed to Lucius Malfoy."

"That slimy kid who graduated a few years ago?" Lily was unimpressed, "What on earth for?"

"It's a pure-blood thing," Remus explained, "People like to keep the bloodlines pure. Well, you wouldn't know anything about it, you're Muggle-born. But that's the way things have been done for centuries."

"Sirius isn't engaged to anyone," Lily pointed out.

"Sirius' dad died when he was a little kid. I doubt that his mother had an easy time selling him or his brother to any pure-blood family." Remus looked preoccupied, as if he was trying to remember something, "The Black name is old, but the fortune is dwindling. It's easier to sell Black daughters; they're not going to inherit anything."

"And the Malfoys?"

Remus sighed, "I don't know much about Lucius Malfoy. But I know that he is the only son and heir, so he's going to inherit the lot. And the family is pretty vain. I imagine a girl who looked like Narcissa and had absolutely pure blood was quite a coup for them."

Who looked like Narcissa?

Lily grinned, "Gee, Remus, I guess you've noticed more than you let on."

Remus grinned self-consciously, "What can I say? I notice a pretty face." His grin faded slightly, "But you're right; they give her way too difficult a time. Tell you what; you help Narcissa with her homework, and I'll do my best to make sure the guys don't heckle her anymore. How's that?"

"It's a plan," Lily smiled. "You'd better run catch up to them, before James notices you're gone."

"Right," Remus said hastily. "I'll see you around. By the way, Lily?"

"Hmm?"

"Would it kill you to give him a chance?" Remus was grinning again.

Lily tossed her hair, "Not in this lifetime, Remus."

"Bye, Evans."

"Bye, smartass."


	4. Chapter 4

"No, you hold the wand like this," Lily said, twisting Narcissa's fingers around the wand, "and you concentrate – "

It was almost Christmas, and Lily and Narcissa had been working together for almost two months. Narcissa was getting better, but only moderately. The two of them had been trying to conjure a pair of slippers for almost two hours, and they were getting no closer to their goal.

Narcissa brushed her long hair back, "It's no use, Lily. I'm hopeless."

"No, you're not," Lily replied, determinedly, "All you lack is confidence. Try it again."

Narcissa flicked the wand at the empty spot on the table and murmured the incantation. Nothing happened. The table remained bare.

Lily sighed before she could stop herself. She quickly glanced at Narcissa. But her eyes were laughing and amused, instead of hurt. "I told you," she said simply, "I'm a mess. I'm never going to pass the next test."

"Maybe we should take a break," Lily thought aloud, "Come on. Want to take a walk?"

Narcissa hesitated. In the past two months, the girls had met in the library and outside on the grounds, but they had never really taken the time to get to know each other. In fact, Lily got the distinct feeling that Narcissa was avoiding her.

"I won't bite," Lily teased.

Narcissa broke into a tentative smile, "Okay. Let's go."

The ground was coated with frost outside, so the girls pulled on their long black coats and scarves before they abandoned their books outside the door and took to the grounds. Lily figured that James and Sirius wouldn't find them out there, and if they did – well, she would cross that bridge if they came to it.

They walked in silence under the bare trees for a few minutes, before Lily asked, "So, what's it like, being in Slytherin?"

Narcissa shrugged, "It's not awful. The dungeon is a lot warmer than people would think, and Professor Slughorn isn't that bad a Head of House." She turned a red that Lily thought had nothing to do with the cold, "And it beats being with anyone from my family."

"You mean like Sirius?"

Narcissa nodded.

"He's a piece of work, all right," Lily agreed, "Everyone they hang around with is pretty bad – except Remus, of course."

"Remus?"

"He's in their class," Lily said, "And he's a pretty good friend of mine. Mostly quiet, keeps to himself. You'd like him, if you knew him."

"If he's friends with Sirius, he probably wouldn't like me," Narcissa sighed.

The two of them walked for another minute before Narcissa said, "It's so hard, trying to build yourself a reputation when everyone's made one for you."

"Sirius?"

"Sort of," Narcissa said, "I was talking about Lucius Malfoy."

"Oh," Lily hesitated, "I heard you're – going with him."

Narcissa laughed, "Not exactly. We've been betrothed since I was six."

"That young?" Lily could not believe her ears.

"It was pretty young, but I guess that's the way things are done." Narcissa seemed intent on staring at her feet as she walked.

Lily was bursting to ask why on earth Narcissa would tolerate such an existence, but she didn't want to break her new friend's trust. Fortunately, Narcissa went on by herself.

"It's not being engaged that's so hard – Lucius isn't a bad sort, except that he's a little overbearing. The hardest thing was growing up in his family. I didn't see my mum all that much, and now she's dead. My sister Andromeda and I were close, but now she's married, and I hardly hear from her anymore."

"It must be rough," Lily sympathized.

Narcissa seemed grateful, as if she'd been waiting to get everything off her chest for a long time, "And the hardest thing is knowing that I'm not even having a chance to live my life, because someone is always watching me, telling me what to do, and I know that it's not because they want me to be happy, it's because it benefits them in the long run. Everyone – my father, the Malfoys, Lucius – sometimes I just want someone to just say 'Do what you think is right, Narcissa – do what makes you happy'. But nobody does."

Lily leaned against a tall oak tree. "It's hard being different."

Narcissa turned to her, "What?"

"I'm Muggle-born," Lily admitted, "The only witch in my entire family. My sister Petunia and I used to get along – until I got the letter from Hogwarts. Now when I come home on holidays she calls me a freak and won't be seen with me."

Narcissa stared, "Didn't that hurt dreadfully?"

Lily shrugged, "I guess, at first. I got used to it, though." She smiled, "If my parents hadn't been accepting of my life choice, I think it would have been harder. But they think my being a witch is first-rate."

The two of them stood in silence for a minute. The Narcissa said, "You know what, Lily? I don't think any one of us ever has as much happiness as we deserve."

"Oy! Evans!"

"Oh, no," Lily muttered, dismayed.

Narcissa's blue eyes widened as if in terror.

James Potter and Sirius Black were coming up behind them. James looked stormy, Sirius looked harried. From off in the distance, Lily could see a tall figure running up to them as fast as he could. Remus! I thought he was going to keep them away, she thought furiously.

"What are you doing here?" she asked them.

"It's a free country," Sirius said loftily, "All right there, Narcissa?"

"Leave her alone," Lily growled. Narcissa seemed to shrink.

"I don't think you quite get it, Evans," James Potter said nastily, "Like Sirius said, it's a free country. We can go where we want to."

Remus finally came up, completely winded. Lily noticed, in spite of her anger, that he didn't look good at all.

"I'm sorry, Lily," he said, "I tried to – "

"To what?" James snarled, "She hates me so much that she has to have you cover for her, to keep me away?"

"I don't hate you!" Lily exploded, "I just –"

"Just what?" he asked her heatedly, "Go on, Evans. Tell me what you 'just'."

"Yeah," Sirius broke in, "Why were you hanging around with my cousin?" He threw one arm around Narcissa's slim shoulders, "Studying?"

"Leave her alone!" Lily shouted again.

Sirius gave Narcissa a look of mock puzzlement, "I hear you're not doing so well in Transfiguration, Cissa. It's a shame."

Narcissa's eyes widened in horror as she looked at Lily, as if to say, "You told him!"

"Step off, Padfoot," Remus warned him.

But Sirius was talking to Narcissa, "So McGonagall got Evans here to help you study, is that it? Need some help passing this term?"

"Sirius," Remus hissed.

"Stop it!" Lily shouted. Narcissa was shaking.

Sirius paid no attention, "I don't know why you even worry, Cissa, dear. It's not like the wife of Lucius Malfoy is going to need to KNOW anything – "

"Sirius!" Lily and Remus both shouted in one voice.

"No," Narcissa pulled away, "I'm not listening to this anymore!"

"Listening to what?" Now Sirius looked angry, "Listening to the truth? Admit it, Narcissa, you're nothing more than a trophy wife – "

"NO!"

Narcissa shoved Sirius out of her way and bolted for the castle as fast as she could. Her scarf flew off of her shoulders and landed in the snow.

"Narcissa!" Lily screamed, "Narcissa, come back!"

She knew it was futile to try and call her back, and she was right. The tiny blonde figure slowly shrank from view and vanished into the distance.

She turned to Sirius and shoved him as hard as she could. "You pompous jerk!" she shouted, "How could you say things like that to her? How could you hurt her like that? What's she ever done to you?"

Sirius' eyes were blazing, "Hurts when somebody picks on your mate, doesn't it, Evans? Now you know how you've been making me feel lately."

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"You don't?" James stepped forward, but his eyes weren't blazing hate anymore, they just looked – hurt. "I'll tell you what he's talking about."

"Enlighten me," Lily snarled sarcastically.

James took a deep breath, "Ever since that day that you told me off for harassing Snape two years ago, I've tried everything I could to make you like me. I stopped torturing Snape just for the fun of it. I stopped trying to show off. I stopped being a jerk to everyone. And it still wasn't enough. Because you still think I'm a prize idiot. And that hurts, Lily."

She stared at him in shock. She didn't even know he knew her first name. He'd never used it before.

Sirius looked embarrassed. James was looking at Lily straight in the eye – like an adult who was willing to be honest, Lily noticed. Maybe he was right. Maybe she'd been misjudging him.

She took a deep breathe, "I'm sorry, James."

"You are?" He looked incredulous.

She nodded, "Maybe I was too quick to judge you. But now is not the time to talk about it. We have to find Narcissa."

James's eyes narrowed, "Are you trying to blow me off again?"

Lily shook her head, "Honestly, this time, I'm not. We need to find her, James. I need to make her understand that I didn't mean to hurt her."

James gave her a long, hard look. Then he sighed, "Okay. Let's go find her – Moony? Moony? Remus? Where are you?"

"Look," Sirius murmured, "Her scarf is gone."

On the ground, in the snow, there were the small, delicate tracks that Narcissa had left. And following along with them, a set of heavy, bigger tracks, made by a bigger person.


	5. Chapter 5

Narcissa didn't stop running until she reached the very top of the Astronomy tower. Winded, the cold air ripping at her throat and lungs, she threw herself headlong on to one of the marble benches along the line of telescopes. The cold was stinging her nose and cheeks, and her tears scalded her as they poured down. She had lost her scarf. She didn't care.

Darkness had fallen. The sky winked with tiny pinpricks of light. Thousands of tiny stars glittered above her. Narcissa's shoulders shook with racking sobs.

"Why?" she whispered, "Why me? Why on earth do I have to go through with this?"

She pulled a piece of parchment from her coat pocket. The letter that Andromeda had sent her two months ago. It was worn and bedraggled – she'd carried it with her ever since that day. She unfolded it and smoothed it out on her lap.

"If you see a chance for happiness, grab it with both hands, hold on to it," she managed to recite in a shaky voice. She didn't even need to read the letter anymore. She knew every word by heart.

"Maybe it was easy for you!" she shouted to the wind, clutching the letter hard, "But I can't do it – I can't do it." She began crying harder, her body shaking. "I can't be anything other than what people make me out to be."

She stood up and held the letter loosely; waiting for the wind to whip it loose, carry it away. Then she hugged it to her body and fell back on to the bench, rocking back and forth, back and forth, hugging her knees to her chest.

It was so cold, so very cold. And she was all alone.

She had always been alone.

"Narcissa?"

The voice startled her, made her jump to her feet, whirl around in terror. It was the boy who had been down on the school grounds, the one who had been warning Sirius to leave her alone. He was holding a green and white scarf in his hands.

"You dropped this," he said hesitantly, and held it out to her.

Narcissa looked at him, still shaking. She reached out, took the scarf, and wrapped it around her neck. "Thank you," she said awkwardly.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and watched her for a minute. Narcissa felt her cheeks burning up with embarrassment and fury. She didn't know what to say for him. If only she had some of Lily's fire and temper – then she remembered that Lily had betrayed her.

His voice interrupted her thoughts, "Can I sit here with you for awhile?"

Before she could think, she blurted out, "Why?"

He shrugged, "It's a good spot to sit and think." Without waiting for an invitation, he sat down on the stone bench and looked out over the grounds. Narcissa stood there staring at him for a second, and then sat down with him, as far over on the bench as she could get.

"My name is Remus," he said quietly.

"I know," she said, "Mine's Narcissa."

"I know."

Narcissa felt her throat closing up, "Because I'm Sirius' cousin?"

"No," Remus said mildly, turning to her, "Because I've noticed you around."

"What?" she asked. She was caught off-balance, rendered incomplete. She was not used to being spoken to like this. His voice was so calm; there was nothing suspicious about it. As a rule, she should have been on her guard, but she felt that stiff feeling in her limbs that she always got when people spoke to her begin to ease, inexplicably.

"Souls that are alike notice each other," he said simply. He took his hands out of his pockets and folded them in his lap. She watched his fingers lace into each other, awkwardly, not elegantly, like every movement Lucius made – conscious and perfect. There was nothing up his sleeve. He was hiding nothing. He was imperfect. How could perfection exist in a world when there were so many flaws? Narcissa had heard so many people tell her that she was "exquisite", "perfect", "flawless". What did those words mean, anyway? Nothing.

"You seem to feel so much," he went on, "I see you in the hallways. Your eyes are always so big, so wide. Like you're seeing everything in the whole world in one second, and you can't keep it all in. Like you're about to burst."

Narcissa stole a look at him, to see if there was laughter behind his eyes, or if he was mocking her. His eyes were like two pools of crystalline blue. She had never seen such depth. There was nothing in them except for honesty. He was hiding nothing.

"Why did you notice me?" she asked before she even knew she was wondering.

"Because you don't want to be seen," he replied mildly.

The snow fell around them silently. Flakes were landing in her long corn silk locks, on her feather light eyelashes. Remus could not help looking at her.

"What difference does that make to you?" she asked him, unaccusatory, as honestly and straightforward as he himself might have asked.

He shrugged, smiled a little, "You ask a lot of questions."

She didn't flinch, "You seem to have the answers."

"It wasn't always that way," he sighed. Leaned his head back, so his hair flopped into his face, and stared up at the stars. He breathed in, and out, his breath making little clouds of smoke in the air, "Comes from years of fighting, and then accepting the hand we're dealt in life."

Narcissa looked at him for another minute, the cut of his faded brown coat, not warm enough for him, the shoes that seemed too big. "What if the hand you're dealt is one that you still have a chance to cash in? What if you can still change the cards?"

He sat up straight again, looked at her, smiled, "Then it's all in the decisions that you make. Change your cards? Take that chance? Your choice." He breathed in and out again, "What about you, Narcissa? Was that a rhetorical question? Do you have a chance to cash in, make changes?"

"Maybe," she said guardedly, refusing to give in too much.

His cheeks were stinging with cold. He nodded, his face nearly numb. He barely noticed.

"Can I ask you a question?" she hesitated.

"Ask away."

"Has anyone ever made a decision for you that you didn't want made?"

He was staring straight forward, his face in profile to her, so she couldn't see the emotion in his eyes. His face didn't move a muscle; his expression did not alter one bit.

"Yeah," he said, "I think I know what that feels like."

His tone was heavy, his voice almost a whisper, and Narcissa knew instinctively that she was treading on a path she knew nothing about. It was better to retreat back to safer territory.

"Why did you follow me?" she asked.

Remus turned and looked at her again, his eyes open and inviting again, "People at this school can be cruel sometimes. It doesn't mean that everyone is. I came after you because I thought you needed to talk. And because I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Narcissa looked down at her mittened hands.

"Are you okay, Narcissa?"

She looked up again. He was smiling at her, a tentative smile, as if he wasn't sure how she'd respond.

She smiled back, just as tentative.

"Yeah, I'm okay, Remus. Thanks."

He had only followed her to give her back her scarf, he told himself. And to make sure that she was okay. Nothing more. He had known all of the things he told her that he knew about her. But he had not expected to feel anything except for sympathy for the pathetic little figure he had chased all the way to the top of the Astronomy Tower. But this was not the Narcissa he expected to encounter when he followed her. This was someone entirely different.

He didn't want to ask her about Lucius, about her arranged marriage, or about why she didn't get along with most of her family. He didn't ask her any questions at all. Instead, he let her talk about Andromeda, the only person in the family whom she felt close enough with to open up to, and how Andromeda had eloped with a Muggle instead of going through with her arranged marriage, and how the whole family condemned her for it. She pulled the ragged letter out of the pocket of her coat and shyly handed it to Remus.

He scanned it, then looked back up at her, "She's a brave woman. It couldn't have been an easy decision for her."

Narcissa smiled sadly, "I miss her so much. I've always missed her. I wonder what life would have been like if I'd been able to grow up knowing her. She's such an inspiration to me."

"You are every bit as strong as she is, though," Remus replied, handing her the letter gingerly, as if it was a priceless artifact.

"Right," Narcissa laughed shortly, "I don't even have the guts to stand up to my cousin or Lucius' friends; how on earth could I stand up to Lucius himself?"

"If it's what you really want," Remus said, "then you will find the strength to do it."

Narcissa had moved closer to him on the bench, he noticed. His heart was pounding in his chest. Why was it doing that?

Despite the fact that many girls in his year and below had showed an interest in him over his seven years at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin had never dared approach one of them, or take one as a girlfriend. It had been difficult enough explaining his deadly secret to his three friends, James, Sirius, and Peter. He didn't know how he would ever explain it to a woman, or how anyone would ever understand the monster that he turned into when the moon was full. He looked at Narcissa, the smooth curve of her delicate face, the snowflakes falling freely into her mane of blonde hair. He thought about being in her presence at the time of the full moon, what he might do to her, and shuddered.

"Are you cold?" she asked him. She had noticed.

"What? No," he replied. "Well, yes, but I'm fine. You?" he asked, suddenly concerned, "We could go in."

"Not yet," she replied, "if it's okay with you."

It's more than okay, he thought. To her, he said, "I'm just afraid you'll catch cold."

"I'll be okay," she replied, then shyly, "I've never spent time with someone like this."

"Like what?"

"Just – talking," she went on, even more shy, "That sounds silly, doesn't it?"

She was looking right at him. Remus had to catch his breath. She was so incredibly beautiful. But so vulnerable, so imperfect. He felt himself getting lost. This wasn't what was supposed to happen.

"No," he said, "It sounds like the most natural thing in the world."

Her hand was on the bench now. Her little hand, in a little white glove. Don't touch it, he thought to himself, don't touch her, this is recipe for disaster.

Before he could think, she reached over and took his hand in both of hers.

"Your fingers are freezing," she whispered, rubbing his hand in circles, trying to warm it. She looked into his face and smiled. Were his hands cold? He couldn't feel them.

She tipped her head to the side. A blonde lock fell into her eyes. She smiled quizzically, all shyness gone. Remus felt his heart drop into his stomach. What was she doing to him?

"What's that face for?" she asked.

"I – I don't know," Remus said. Was he speaking? Or was it only a whisper? "I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time."

"Maybe you are," Narcissa replied, "I feel like I'm seeing everything for the first time."

They sat in silence for the next half hour, the snow falling around them. And when the bells rang for lights out, they parted and went their separate ways. But neither got any sleep that night. And neither mentioned the evening on the tower again, when they met in the hallways or in the Great Hall for the rest of the week.

Somehow, no matter how poignant, words would only desecrate what had passed between them.


	6. Chapter 6

His body was thrashing, convulsing, as it tried in vain to return to its early form. He screamed as pinpricks of fur burrowed back under his skin. His nails and teeth retracted, sliding back until the nubs of his fingers, the gums of his mouth. He twitched and shuddered, and lay still at last.

Remus Lupin could feel beds of sweat pour down his face. Why had the transformation hurt so much? He was used to pain, but this – this was horrible.

He sat up. Where was he? Where were his friends? He wasn't in the secret place that had been provided for this very occasion – where he could seal himself up against the world – or seal the world up against him, just in case –

He felt cold stone, not torn wood, beneath him. Almost blindly, he traced the patterns of long claw marks that he had left during the transformation. He shuddered again.

Why was I here? He thought. Where are the others – James, Sirius, Peter?

A dull horror crept over him as he brought his hand up to his face.

His hands were covered in blood!

Whose blood? His? Panicking, he searched his body. There were bloodstains all over his torn clothes – but there was no wound. Horror dawned on him. If it wasn't his blood – then it was someone else's.

"I have killed tonight!" he moaned.

He tried to think back. Where had he been? What had he been doing, when he'd been transformed? He couldn't remember places – only images. The snow, softly falling – the view from the tower – a snowflake on a delicate gold lash, more of a shadow than an eyelash, even – a pair of white gloves –

"No!" Remus shouted.

He pulled himself to his feet and began to run, slipping and sliding in the blood that had pooled itself beneath him, dripping from his clothes. His footsteps echoed in the Great Hall. Soon, he knew someone would hear him and come after him. And then everyone would know his secret. They would escort him from the Castle. He might even be burned as a wolf. No! I have to find her first!

He threw open the door to the Tower and took the stairs two at a time. When he came to the top of the stairs, he stopped short. The door to the Tower had been viciously ripped from its hinges. And there were bloody prints all over the door. Bloody tracks in the snow, making a path from the door to –

Remus' heart stopped. For about twenty feet away, lying face down in the snow, was a girl's figure, crumpled and still. He would have recognized that mane of cornsilk hair anywhere.

"No! Narcissa!" Remus shouted. He ran over to her, slipping once in the sheets of snow, and fell down to his knees beside her. He picked up her crumpled body and turned it over.

There was blood matted in her hair. Her eyes were open wide, her face tinged slightly blue from the freezing snow. Her school uniform was stained crimson from the blood flowing freely from an open wound on her neck –

"No!" Remus cried, "No, please! Narcissa? Please, no!"

He shook her slightly, knowing against hope that it was useless. Her eyes, huge sapphires, stared sightless at the black sky. The wound on her neck was still bleeding – there was blood all over Remus. He began to sob, cradling her body against him, and rocked her back and forth.

Then he heard footsteps. Loud ones, coming up the stairs to the Tower. They were coming for him. Remus did not even try to hide. He did not relinquish his hold on Narcissa's body. Let them come, he thought. I deserve whatever they do to me.

The chant began, loud and condemning.

"REMUS! REMUS! REMUS!"

"I would never have hurt her," he whispered into Narcissa's blond hair.

"REMUS! REMUS! REMUS!"

"NOOOOOOO!" he screamed, sitting bolt upright in bed.

"Whoa, easy there!" James shouted, jumping a step back.

Remus began panting, his blue eyes wide with terror.

He was in his own bed, in Gryffindor Tower. The red sheets were twisted all around him, practically restraining him in place. His body was damp and shaking with a cold sweat. From out the window, he could see that it was nearly dawn.

James sat back down on the end of his bed and touched Remus' shoulder, "You okay there?" he asked softly.

Remus breathed heavily and did not answer.

"Maybe we should call Madam Pomfrey," Sirius said, out of nowhere. Remus turned. Sirius was standing at the head of his bed, his hair disheveled from sleep, his eyes wide with fear, "Maybe there's something wrong with him."

"Where – what happened?" Remus managed.

"You were thrashing and moaning in your sleep," James told him, touching his knee beneath the sheets sympathetically. "I figured it was best to wake you – you looked terrible."

"Nightmare, mate?" Sirius asked.

Remus tried to breathe regularly again, "You mean – I was here, all this time?"

James nodded, "We've been up for the last few minutes, trying to figure out if we should wake you or not."

"Wait a minute," Sirius broke in, "Why aren't you wearing pajamas, James? It's nearly five in the morning. What's going on?"

"Um," James looked down at his sweater and flannel pants, "I fancied a walk."

"All night?" Sirius raised an eyebrow, "'Cause you weren't here when I went to bed, mate."

James blushed. Sirius stared at him.

"All right, all right," James admitted, "I went for a talk with Lily."

"Evans?" Sirius blanched, "She actually gave you the time of day?"

"Time of night, more like," James grinned. "We sat in the library until it closed, and then we came and sat in the common room and – talked some more."

Sirius stared at him. James' face was red, but he seemed too happy to be honestly embarrassed.

"She is something else," he reminisced. "And –" Then he saw Remus' ashen, sweaty face, "Another time," he hastened, "Right now – Remus?"

Remus turned to him, eyes still wide.

"What's wrong?" James said, "You can tell us."

"Where's Peter?" Remus asked him shakily.

Sirius snorted, "Curled up in his bed, pretending to be asleep. Pretending he's not afraid."

From across the room came a snore too loud to be convincing. James rolled his eyes, "Ignore him," he said, "What were you saying before?"

Remus shuddered, "Then everyone's safe."

"Of course they are," Sirius said sympathetically, "It's still two days to the full moon."

"You look awful, mate," James admitted, "Your hair looks thinner than it used to – and your eyes –"

"I know," Remus said, "Tonight, I have to go."

"There's still two days," Sirius repeated.

"I know," Remus gulped.

"And we'll be there with you, remember?" James said, "The transformations aren't like what they used to be. You said so yourself."

"I can't run the risk," Remus muttered, "I would never forgive myself – "

He shuddered again.

James looked at Sirius, who looked back at him. James nodded, "All right, mate, whatever you say." He checked his watch, "Try and get some more sleep, all right? Don't worry, we'll be right here."

He said it awkwardly, but Remus was grateful. He lay down on his sweaty sheets and closed his eyes, exhausted.

But sleep did not come. When dawn broke over the castle, Remus was still wide awake, shaking deep in the recesses of his body, the nightmare still haunting him.

* * *

Later that day, as the sun was setting, Remus slipped into the dormitory and changed into his oldest, rattiest clothes, so nothing good that he owned would be ruined if he happened to transform tonight. He thought about his dream again. Why had he dreamed that? Why had his mind taken the most beautiful moment of his entire life – and ruined it? 

He thought back to when he was only seven years old – when he'd first received the bite. His mother sobbing at the hospital. His father's solemn face. He was hooked up to machines that were helping him breathe. His throat had been mauled, but he was going to live.

"He'll never be the same again," the healer had said sadly, "Remus will live, but he's never going to be able to lead a normal life. With society the way it is – he'll be condemned."

"Then nobody must know," Ezra Lupin had said flatly, "We will keep him safe, we will make sure."

"There is no 'sure' when it comes to werewolves," the healer had told his parents, "With the rise of the full moon, he will transform – and he will be lethal, deadly. There will be no stopping him."

Remus had never killed in his life. As a child, his father had kept him locked in the basement during the time of the full moon. He had screamed and howled, clawing at the locks on the door, all the while the human in him screaming not to hurt his parents.

Remus shook his head. Those memories were terrible. The better ones came when he was at Hogwarts. The first year of hiding in the Shrieking Shack. Trembling in the darkness, afraid.

And then, in his second year, Lily had found him out. She had approached him in the common room one night, when he'd been sitting up, staring darkly into the flames. She had noticed how wan he looked, how pale – was there something she could do?

He had collapsed, head in hands, and told her everything. He had not been in love with Lily, but she was the only person he felt he could trust. She soothed him, petted his hair, and told him that she had heard about research being done, where a Potion was being developed, that would help solve everything, erase the transformations, or at least make him harmless –

Remus had shaken his head. That Potion was years from being ready, and he needed help now.

"Then," Lily had said, "I suggest you tell your friends."

Tell his friends? The thought was horrifying. What would they say? What would they think of him?

"They won't think anything," Lily said, "James Potter may be a bit of a pompous airhead – but he cares for you." And something in her green eyes had made him do it.

James and Sirius and Peter had been shocked, true, but they hadn't been judgmental. If anything, they were sympathetic. The next weekend, they approached him.

"Now don't get excited," James said, his own excitement creeping into his voice, "But we've been doing some reading, and I think there's a way we can help you."

It took them the better part of the next few years to figure out how to become Animagi, but they did it. Unbeknownst to anyone, they waited for the first night of the full moon, and transformed themselves into animals, escaping into the village with Remus by nightfall, keeping him company during what had been the loneliest times of his life.

Remus slammed the lid shut on his trunk. Who knew his secret? Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey, James, Sirius, Peter, Lily. And nobody else. Nobody else could know, he reflected. Too many people knew already – not that he couldn't trust those few.

For the hundredth time it seemed, he thought about Narcissa, about the snow glistening on her gold hair. Then he shook his head. Better to forget about her. That way –

He gulped, and nodded determinedly.

That way, there was no possibility she would get hurt.

* * *

Later that night, he couldn't sleep. Thoughts of her kept haunting him – her face, the curve of her smile, the gossamer corn silk hair – 

He sat up in bed. There was a way he could protect her – a way he could keep her to himself, and keep her safe.

If that was what she wanted.

"I will find out," he vowed, pulling the covers up and snuggling into the depths of his bed.

"As soon as I work up the courage, that is."


	7. Chapter 7

Usually, in Narcissa's world, Christmas was a day like every other, except for the presents. She would go home on the train for the holidays, back to the Malfoys' manor, sleep in her little tower room, come downstairs on Christmas morning for gifts, stuff herself at lunch, and find herself back in the tower come midnight – except for the pile of new things she'd received as gifts, most of them clothes, things she hardly needed.

This Christmas, because Lucius and his parents were touring Europe, Narcissa had written to her father and to Lucius and asked if she could stay at school. She included a note from Professor McGonagall saying that she was having difficulty with her lessons, and that she needed to study. She didn't know if it would work, but within two days of each other, she received replies of assent from both parties. It was decided. Narcissa Black would be staying at school this Christmas.

There were always ten or so students who never went home for Christmas break. Sirius, in an attempt to avoid his mother, never did. James stayed at school simply because Sirius was. Some years, Lily went home, and others, she stayed, but this year she was staying – probably because James was, Narcissa thought. And Remus, inexplicably, was staying – if he had any reasons why, he kept them to himself, and Narcissa did not pry.

When she had gone back to her room, that night after she had spoken to Remus at the Astronomy Tower, she hadn't been willing to approach him again. Perhaps he really had gone up only because he had felt pity for her. Perhaps he had changed his mind about her, and would rather stick with Sirius' and James' opinions of her. Whatever the reason, Narcissa didn't approach him in the corridors during classes, and she didn't wait outside the Gryffindor common room, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. If Remus chose to pursue her, she would respond, but not before.

She didn't have long to wait.

The Saturday after, Remus met her outside of the Great Hall, after dinner. "I was wondering if you wanted to take a walk with me," he asked.

His eyes were so bright, so honest. Narcissa shivered a little inside, a good shiver, "I'd like that," she answered.

The snow crunched under their feet as they walked further and further away from the castle. There had been an ice storm the night before, and ice crusted the trees, encasing every single branch and twig in an icy shield. The bleakly-colored sun made everything sparkle like a diamond. The trees bent under the weight of the ice, making a sort of crystal canopy over them as they walked. For a girl who had been introduced to very little romance, Narcissa felt as if she was walking on air.

"It looks like diamonds," she murmured.

"Or a cathedral in London," Remus agreed.

The two of them walked in silence for a few minutes. Remus looked slightly awkward, like his hands were too big for him, and kept putting them in and out of his pockets. Narcissa smiled a little. Was he nervous? She didn't know. Except for Lucius, she hadn't been around boys that much since she'd been six years old.

"What's your family like?" she asked him, to break the silence.

Remus seemed glad for an excuse to speak, "Oh, I'm an only child," he said, "My mom and dad live in York. We don't have a lot of money, but they seem happy enough." A sad look crossed his face, but he dismissed it so quickly Narcissa thought she might have imagined it.

"How did you meet James and Sirius?" she asked him.

Remus smiled, "Oh, I don't know. I guess it just sort of happened – we all got in Gryffindor our first year and things sort of took off from there." He glanced over at her. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You don't strike me as the Slytherin sort," he answered.

Narcissa shrugged, "I wasn't at all surprised when I ended up there. Almost everyone in our family has been – my father, my mother, Bellatrix. Andromeda's the one exception; she was in Ravenclaw, but I think that's only because she's so incredibly smart. She was Head Girl in her seventh year, you know."

"I remember." Remus frowned, "I just didn't know that Houses are predetermined."

"They aren't," Narcissa answered, "But when people get used to seeing you in one dress, they get pretty confused when you put another one on."

Remus grinned, "I have a feeling we're not talking about clothes."

Narcissa smiled back, "No. We're not."

They walked a few feet before she asked him, "When you said I don't strike you as a Slytherin, what did that mean? What do you think a Slytherin is supposed to be?"

Remus seemed unsure of what to say, "Well, according to House rivalry, all Slytherins are – " he hesitated.

"Conniving, ambitious, power-hungry," Narcissa finished for him.

"Well – I wouldn't say that, but – " Remus shifted uncomfortably.

"And Slytherins think that Gryffindors are self-centered, egotistical teacher's pets," she interrupted. She stopped and faced him. "So maybe we're wrong about each other."

Remus smiled, "You've got a point."

Narcissa grinned, "I know I do." She nudged him with her elbow, "Come on. It's getting late – it's not safe to be outside the grounds close to dark."

The sun was beginning to set as they approached the castle. The wind was blowing colder, and Remus pulled his frayed collar up around his face. "Cold, isn't it?" he asked, and kicked himself mentally immediately. Questions about the weather, he thought, how déclassé can I get?

Narcissa didn't respond. Instead, she slipped her mittened hand into his.

Remus felt electrified. And helpless.

How could she care for him so?

Easily, he thought to himself.

She doesn't know what I am.

* * *

"What do you know about her?" he asked Sirius later that evening, as they sat around the Gryffindor fireplace, ignoring James and Lily, sitting in a dark corner, in the middle of an obviously intense conversation. 

Sirius shrugged, "I haven't seen her much since I was about seven. There isn't really much to tell – nothing that you know or would care to know."

"Anything," Remus said, "anything you know."

Sirius raised an eyebrow, "Any particular reason?"

Remus concentrated on the fire, "I just – just want to know. Is that such a big deal?" he challenged.

Sirius shook his head, bemused, and thought.

"Well," he answered, "she's got a reputation for being a bit of an ice princess."

"Ice princess?"

"You know," Sirius went on, "Cold. Distant. Haughty."

Remus shook his head. He could not think of any words that described Narcissa less. "Anything else?"

Sirius shrugged, "You're asking me to try and figure out the cousin I've barely seen in ten years, "he said, "I can barely remember what she used to be like, let alone what she is now."

Beautiful, Remus thought. She's beautiful and delicate and – and possibly in a lot of danger.

"Is she in love with Lucius Malfoy?" he asked.

"Malfoy?" Sirius looked dubious, "I doubt it. Like I said, I never saw her much growing up, but whenever I did see her, he was with her. Always hovering over her protectively, insisting he go with her wherever she went. She never really seemed all that interested in him – but it's not as if she has a choice in the matter, is it?" Light seemed to dawn on his features. "Hey, mate, you're not thinking of – of – "

Remus cut in, "And Malfoy? What does he think of her?"

Sirius took a deep breath, "Last I knew, he was head over heels for her. Lucked out, I suppose – most arranged marriages in the wizarding world don't go very well. But he's obviously very affectionate towards her – he's fallen in love with her, from everything I've seen."

"And you're very sure that she's not in love with him back?"

"As sure as I can be," Sirius replied, "Remus –"

"Excuse me for a minute," Remus said. Before Sirius could stop him, he strode up to their common room and started digging around in his trunk. At the very bottom, wrapped in a piece of silky fabric, he found what he was looking for.

* * *

"Remus, why did you ask to meet me here?" Narcissa asked, late in the afternoon on Christmas day, "I figured you'd be celebrating Christmas with James and Sirius and the others – not making plans to meet up here." 

She gestured around the empty Astronomy Tower, which was blanketed with snow, chillingly cold.

"I know it's freezing," Remus answered, "but look at the sunset. I wanted to show it to you." The sun was sinking into the frozen horizon, into a sea of blues and reds and purples and oranges, like liquid fire.

"It's beautiful," Narcissa said, then laughed, "but we could watch it from inside, you know. I'm sure the others wouldn't have minded seeing it."

"But I would have minded them seeing this," Remus answered. He put his hand into his pocket and drew out a single flat package, and handed it to her.

Narcissa's eyes widened, "What's this?"

"Just open it." Remus' throat felt strangely dry. But his palms were sweaty. He cursed himself inwardly for being so incredibly awkward.

Narcissa took the wrapping off gently, painstakingly. She opened the lid of the flat box inside. Her fingers reached inside and pulled out - Remus held his breath.

Hanging from her fingers was a long silver chain, with a flat metal disk on the end. Narcissa turned the disk over in her hands to look at the front of it. Remus had seen it a million times, in the days when his mother had worn a similar one. The disk was flat, carved with a compass rose, and in its very center, glowing like a tiny star, was a small, perfectly round moonstone.

"It's – it's beautiful," Narcissa murmured. She smiled shyly up at him, her eyes practically glowing. Remus felt himself getting lost. "Why are you giving it to me?"

That brought him back to earth, "It belonged to a family member," he said, "I'd like you to have it. If you'll wear it, of course."

"If I'll wear it? Remus, it's lovely," Narcissa's smile widened, "I'd be honored to wear it."

She undid the clasp and turned around, holding it out for him, "Will you do it up for me?"

Remus' throat went even drier, if it was possible.

"I – I can't," he said.

Narcissa turned back to him, her smile faded, her eyes hesitant, "You can't?"

"No," Remus said, "You – you must do it up by yourself. The clasp isn't difficult; you should be able to do it." He wanted to bite his tongue for sounding so callous, but – there is nothing else I can do, he thought.

Narcissa draped the necklace across her own neck and fastened it. She looked up at him.

"You – you make it beautiful," Remus said softly.

Narcissa smiled again, shyly, "Thank you."

But he wasn't done yet, "If it's not too – too much trouble, I'd like to see you wear it all the time," he managed.

Her smile faltered a little, "Of course."

He exhaled, "Good."

"Remus," Narcissa asked, concerned, "What's wrong? If something's bothering you, you can tell me. Don't be afraid." And then she put her hand on his arm.

"Oh, God," Remus whispered, "I wish – "

"What is it?" she asked softly.

And then he lifted a hand, trembling, touched her cheek, brushed a piece of her golden hair away from her eyes. How could she understand? How could he tell her? He couldn't.

Admit it; he wasn't planning on telling her when he gave her the silver amulet that would ensure her protection. But if there had ever been a moment when he had been unselfish enough to tell her the truth in order to safeguard her life, that time was past. Why do I have to choose between unselfishness and love? he thought desperately.

Those eyes. Those wide eyes, the color of sapphires, a blue so dark they were almost black, staring up at him, worried, wondering. Was there anything else in the depths? The eyes are the windows to the soul, someone had once told him. HE had once told him, as he hunched over Remus' shaking form, teeth dripping with Remus' blood.

"Look into my eyes, boy. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Tell me what you see in mine."

No! Remus thought. I have to protect her – I have to keep her safe.

The amulet would be enough. It would be enough. It was only a precaution, anyway – and it had been years since anyone had spotted him in the shack –

Memories flooded through him, unbidden, terrifying. He wanted nothing here. No. None of those memories.

"Remus," Narcissa was saying, "Remus. What's going on?"

And then her hand was touching his face, her fingers running along his jaw. Her touch was as light as a feather. He shuddered. Unbidden, his arms went around her waist, and he clung to her, coming back to earth.

"Narcissa – I – "

She touched his lips with her fingers, to silence him. Then, she drew his face down to hers and kissed him.

It was unlike anything he had ever experienced. Her lips on his were so soft – they tasted like green apples in summer, like rain, like snow. They tasted like something sweet and musky all at once, something foreign and alien, and dear God, he didn't want it to end. This wasn't a fantasy, or a dream. This was something real. He clung to her, and underneath his hands she felt cool and warm at the same time, fantastically alive.

When they parted, he could see the glisten on her lips, still taste her in his mouth. Her eyes were not ashamed. But still they spoke a question.

"I can't tell you now," Remus answered softly, calm again, "Trust in me that it is not the time."

He half expected her to protest, to rip the necklace off and try and jam it into his fingers in anger. He hardly could have blamed her, after she'd given him such a special part of herself.

But she only slid her arms around him and held him close to her, her blonde hair a whisper against his cheek.

"When the time is right," she murmured softly, "I know you will."


	8. Chapter 8

A few days after Christmas, Narcissa made the long walk from the Slytherin dungeon to Gryffindor Tower, in the hopes that someone would let her into the Gryffindor common room. She was tired of hanging around the dungeon with only Severus Snape to keep her company. Really, he wasn't much company at all, Narcissa thought – all he did was sit around the common room, reading, or practicing spells she had never found in any schoolbook, or looking at her sideways when he thought she wasn't looking. Narcissa was bored, and she was lonely. At least in Gryffindor there would be someone to cheer her up.

As she rapped on the portrait of a fat lady in a pink gown, she realized she hadn't seen Remus all day. Where was he? She hoped he wasn't sick.

"Even if he is sick," she thought aloud, "I'll sit up there and keep him company."

The portrait swung open and James stuck his head out.

"Oh! Hi, Narcissa," he said, "Lily's just finishing up some take-home work, if want to come in and wait for her." He held the portrait door open, and she stepped inside.

Lily was sitting in the middle of the red rug, books and papers spread out everywhere. When she heard them approaching, she looked up, and smiled. "Hey, Narcissa. What's up?"

"Not much," Narcissa replied, "Wow, you guys have a nice space." She glanced around the spacious common room, at the plush red carpet and velvet chairs, covered with squashy red and gold pillows.

"Never been up here, eh?" James asked, plopping on the floor next to Lily and giving her shoulders a squeeze.

"Never had much reason to come," Narcissa replied, before she thought. She began to blush when she saw a sly smile creep over James' face.

She coughed, "By the way, is Remus in here? I haven't seen him all day."

James started, and quickly looked at Lily. Lily's eyes flickered up from her work and met his for an instant, and then looked quickly back down again.

"No," Lily said, "He's not here."

"We haven't seen him," James added.

Narcissa's eyes narrowed. Lily's face was flushing pink, and she didn't think that it was a reflection from her red hair. And James was looking everywhere in the room – at the walls, the ceiling, the fireplace – everywhere, except at Narcissa.

She leaned forward, conspiratorially, and felt the silver of Remus' pendant thud coolly against the skin of her neck.

"Really?" she asked ironically, "You two seem to know more than you're letting on."

"No, we don't," Lily replied, her voice edgy, her eyes flashing.

Narcissa looked at James. He was still looking sideways, like he didn't want to meet her eyes.

"James!" she said shortly.

"What?"

"You know something."

"No, I don't." But James was beginning to look nervous.

"Is he in the hospital wing? What's wrong with him, James?"

"He – he's not here," James replied, "He's gone away. Gone home for a little bit."

"Why did he go home?"

"Narcissa, stop it," Lily demanded.

"Stop what?" Narcissa snapped, "I haven't done anything to you." She stood up and stomped over to the narrow staircase labeled "Boys' Dormitory."

Up the stairs, to the very top floor – "7th Years". She pushed open the door and found – nothing. The room was empty. Four beds all made. Four trunks all closed. She stood in the very center of the room and stared around her.

She heard footsteps coming up behind her. It was James. He had followed her. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, saying nothing. There was nothing to be said.

Narcissa turned to look at him, "Which bed belongs to Remus?" she asked.

James stared at her mutely. Then, he pointed to the bed directly across from him.

Narcissa ran her hand over the thick blankets on the bed, then over the ironwork on the trunk. She touched the fixes on it. "It's unlocked."

"What?" James asked.

"He didn't go away," Narcissa said softly, "His trunk is unlocked."

"Maybe he just forgot to do it up," James suggested weakly.

Narcissa looked at him, "Or maybe you're not telling the truth."

James struck his hand on one of the four poster beds in anger and frustration, "I'm not telling you because I CAN'T tell you!" he managed.

Narcissa was silent. She looked down at her hands. Neither of them said a word.

Then James said abruptly, "Where did you get that?"

Narcissa followed his gaze. The pendant Remus gave her was hanging out of her shirt. "Remus gave it to me for Christmas," she answered.

James stared at it for a good long minute. Then he leaned in to Narcissa and said lowly, "Look. I can't tell you where he is, and I can't tell you why he's there. But I will tell you that he gave you that for a reason; to keep you safe."

"Keep me safe? I don't understand."

"Trust me," James said, "It's safer if you don't know."

"James, tell me where he is."

But James was guiding her to the door, "Go back to your common room, Narcissa. Don't talk to anyone about this. And above everything else, don't go looking for Remus. He will come back – soon." His eyes were a silent plea, "Please, Narcissa. Please don't do anything stupid."

Back in the Slytherin common room, Narcissa sat in front of the fireplace, fuming. She pulled the silver pendant from around her neck and ran it up and down the chain.

Why had Lily and James clammed up like that? Why hadn't they told her? She felt cold all over. James had mentioned danger. Was Remus in danger? Was she?

She pulled her knees up and hugged them against her chest.

"Why?" she asked herself softly.

"Because they're afraid."

Narcissa jumped.

Like some overgrown bat in his black sweater and pants, Severus glided out of the Boys' Dormitory and into the common room. He draped one arm over the mantle and smiled sardonically.

"How are you, Narcissa?"

Narcissa glared at him, "What do you want?"

"I couldn't help watching you when you came in," Severus deadpanned. "You seemed – preoccupied."

"No," Narcissa replied, "You said 'because they're afraid'. You don't even know who I'm talking about."

"Don't I?" Severus feigned puzzlement. "Hmm. Guess you don't need my advice, then – seeing as you know everything already."

Narcissa jumped up, "How could you possibly know what's going on? You don't even speak with James and Sirius and Remus – they don't like you."

Severus' eyes flashed.

"You're wrong," he said silkily, "I don't like THEM." He leaned forward until he was almost an inch away from her face. Narcissa cringed at the look in his flashing black eyes, "I don't like them," he repeated.

She pulled back, "Fine, then. How could you possibly know anything concerning them, then?"

Severus gave a short laugh.

"You always were a naïve little child," he snickered cruelly, "I always thought Lucius had much too high an opinion of you."

"That I don't doubt," Narcissa interrupted rudely.

"He thinks you walk on water," Severus snapped, "My, my, my – what would he think if he knew."

"Knew what?" But Narcissa's face was turning red. He knows! She thought furiously. How could he know? Was he bluffing? Was it that obvious to everyone already?

Severus eyed her coldly, "You might want to take more care of how you display your jewelry," he replied.

Her heart sinking, Narcissa glanced down. She was wearing a buttoned cardigan sweater, and the silver chain had slipped through the v-neck, plainly visible. She fingered it for a long moment, then said, "It has nothing to do with this, Severus."

Without warning, he reached forward and snatched the chain, yanking it and her neck forward so fast that Narcissa thought he might break both.

"You fool," Severus hissed, "Do you realize what you've gotten yourself into? Don't you know? You'll end up destroying any hope you had of a future – you'll destroy your chances with Lucius Malfoy!" His eyes were wide now, not with anger, but with fear, "Do you have any idea what you're dealing with?"

Narcissa was choking on the chain around her neck, "I don't know – I don't care!"

Severus released the chain and leaned back on the couch.

"I should break your stupid neck," he panted, "for the trouble you've gotten yourself into."

"No," Narcissa replied faintly, "For the trouble I've got us BOTH into. Admit it, Severus, Lucius asked you to spy on me for him. He's threatened you with – oh, God knows what – so you haven't sent him a letter yet, telling him that I'm breakfasting with the Gryffindors and taking walks with Remus Lupin. But you will. You'll have to and then you'll get yourself in no end of trouble, because he's the whole reason you've managed to keep your head above water with James Potter and Sirius Black. And I – well, I don't know what he'll do to me." She narrowed her eyes, "But no doubt it will be unpleasant."

Severus glared at her for a moment, and then closed his eyes. "You don't even know what you're dealing with."

"Funny," Narcissa snapped, "I thought I'd just explained."

"You think you've got it all taped out, don't you?" Severus snarled, "You think that you've got it all figured out, but you don't know anything."

"I've lived with him for almost my whole life; you think I don't know what he's capable of?"

"Not Lucius Malfoy," Severus replied nastily, "Remus Lupin."

Narcissa stared at him.

"What do you mean, Remus?" she asked, "Severus – do you know what they're hiding from me?"

Severus looked at her with thinly veiled hatred again, "I know."

"Tell me," she demanded, "Severus, please tell me."

"I can't. Dumbledore's orders. I'll get chucked out if I tell you."

"Then show me. Show me what's going on. Show me in a way that won't get you into trouble."

Severus stared at her, "We'll both be killed."

"So he IS in trouble," Narcissa tucked the pendant into her shirt, "Please, Severus. You have to show me where he is. I have to go to him. I have to – "

"If we're not killed outright, Lucius will – "

"I don't care about Lucius, I don't care about him!" Narcissa jumped up and grabbed the front of Severus' sweater. "Please, I need to know! I'll protect you from Lucius; I'll make up some lie. Whatever it takes, just please let me know where Remus is."

Severus' mouth went dry. He licked his lips and somehow managed, "He's down in Hogsmeade, inside the Shrieking Shack."

She let go of his sweater and bolted towards the door of the common room, grabbing her cloak off one of the pegs and throwing it over her shoulders as she went.

"Narcissa!"

She turned.

"Wait for morning," Severus pleaded, "It will be safer then."

She shook her head.

"I can't," she replied, "He's in danger."

She opened the hidden door and vanished through it.

Severus jumped to his feet, "Narcissa!"

But she was gone.

He stood stock-still and stared at the door, wishing he had never said a word.

"You'll be in more danger than he's in," he said aloud to the empty room.


	9. Chapter 9

It wasn't as difficult as Narcissa thought to magic herself out of the castle. Nobody was around – it was the weekend after Christmas, and everyone would be lazing about, not paying any attention to her if they could help it. Even so, she was careful to dodge in tight corners whenever she saw the shadow of someone coming down the hall. If she wasn't quick, she couldn't be back from Hogsmeade until dark, and the castle would be locked. She'd have to be back as soon as possible.

"I'll just sneak up to the Shack, check to see if Remus is okay, and run back before they lock the doors," she told herself.

She wasn't reassured. Hogsmeade, while not a long walk, wasn't exactly a two-minute stroll. And Severus had hinted that Remus was in trouble – perhaps big trouble. Trouble she couldn't get him out of within a few moments. And the Shrieking Shack – she'd heard terrible stories about what went on in there. Everyone said it was haunted.

"Why would Remus be there?" she asked herself as she crossed the snow-covered grounds. A chill skated up her spine. Why would anyone be there, unless they were forced to be?

There was no sun to sink into the western sky, but Narcissa knew that it would be dark within the hour as she painstakingly climbed over the wire fence that surrounded the Shack. The hem of her pants caught and tore. Cursing, she leapt to the other side and examined it. She pulled out her wand and murmured, "Reparo." The seam mended itself flawlessly. Despite her concern, Narcissa smiled. Perhaps she was learning something after all, with all of Lily's tutoring sessions.

The door to the Shack was shut tight, as she had expected it to be. But there were no sounds coming from within. She raised her hand to tap lightly on the door, then thought better of it. If Remus was in danger, he might not be able to open the door himself. She grasped the latch firmly and pulled it. To her surprise, the door was not locked. It swung open effortlessly, without even creaking.

It was dark inside, so dark that Narcissa could not see. She stepped inside and shut the door behind her, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. She could hear breathing.

"Who is there?" came a raspy voice.

She stopped in her tracks, "Remus?"

Silence. A split second.

"Narcissa, I hope to God that isn't you," the voice came back.

"Remus!" Narcissa could barely make out his form, sitting huddled in the corner of the room, next to a bed with filthy torn blankets. She was shocked to see that he was dressed inadequately for the cold winter evening, in ragged garments that looked too big for him. "Remus, what are you doing here?" she asked him.

He jumped to his feet and pressed himself against the wall. "How did you - you have to get out, Narcissa!"

"What's wrong? What's happened to you?"

"There's no time to explain. How did you get here? Who told you I was here?" He shook his head, "It doesn't matter. Get out, Narcissa, get out!"

"No! I won't leave you!" she replied desperately, "I won't leave you!"

Remus let out a cry, almost inhuman and animal, and sunk into a huddled pile on the floor. He drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his face. Narcissa ran to him and fell on the floor beside him, hugging him close to her.

"No, you can't," Remus whispered, "Narcissa, you must listen to me – it's too dangerous."

"I can't leave you here like this," she replied, "I can't." Her eyes sought his, "Please – we have to get you out of here. You're shaking, you're so cold."

"I'm shaking, but it's not because of the cold," Remus replied. His teeth were clenched, as if in pain, "Narcissa, you have to go! Go now!"

And he pushed her away from him so hard that Narcissa was thrown against the opposite wall. She crumpled to the floor in pain, cradling her left elbow, which throbbed with pain. Remus had struck her. Remus had hurt her. She tried to make sense of everything. Remus would never hurt me, she thought. So –

But then Remus began screaming. He screamed a scream of desperation, of pain, of terror, of anger. His body was writhing on the floor of the Shack, his fingers clawing at the torn wood, grasping for something, for anything. Someone else was screaming too – her voice high and thin. Narcissa could not even recognize her own voice. Until now she had never known such terror.

He didn't look like Remus anymore. His skin was getting darker and darker – and was that hair? His fingers were growing long and bony, and his fingernails grew longer and yellow and cracked – his nose was unrecognizable, and his voice – that voice was far too deep, too animal-like, to belong to Remus –

And then Remus wasn't there anymore.

A wolf was lying on the floor where Remus had been. He was wearing his torn and faded clothing. He was pushing himself to his feet, and his yellow eyes searched the Shack, searching for – for what?

The yellow eyes looked deep into Narcissa's own blue ones. He opened his mouth and displayed his yellow teeth, licked his chops. Then he began to growl.

"Remus," Narcissa managed, "Remus – you're – no, no, please – "

But the wolf – Remus – did not seem to hear her. He started towards her, growling even lower in his chest.

Narcissa tried to back against the wall, but there was nowhere else for her to go. Her fingers sought the pendant on its chain. The pendant! Of course! Remus was a werewolf. Silver and moonstone – two properties that could kill a werewolf. If she could only touch him with the silver, the werewolf would drop dead, and Narcissa would be safe.

The wolf was closer now, moving even closer. He seemed to relish her fear, drink it in, like cool water.

Narcissa was shaking.

"Do it," a voice in her head said, "Throw the necklace at him. Then you can get away. You'll be safe."

But, she thought – it's Remus. It's Remus under there. This is where he went. He gave me this necklace in case I ever found out, in case he ever attacked me – by accident.

He loves me enough to protect me. And I couldn't even love him enough to let him keep his secret to himself.

I can't kill him. I can't.

She let go of the chain and closed her eyes, waiting for the wolf to spring.

BAM! Her eyes flew open. The door of the Shack was flung open, and a huge black form was flying through the air, landing on the wolf. A large black dog had run in and was locked in a death struggle with the wolf. Narcissa shrieked. The two animals began to tussle and growl at each other, rolling in shapeless forms on the floor. The wolf yelped in pain.

"No!" Narcissa cried, "Don't hurt him!"

The dog let go of the wolf and backed up a few feet. The wolf lay panting on the floor, his eyes on Narcissa, this time without hunger. When it had regained its breath, the wolf ran for the back door and out into the dark fog.

The dog pushed Narcissa with its snout towards the door she had come in. She looked towards the back door one last time, and then ran outside.

As she ran off towards the castle, she thought she saw the outlines of two other animals, one large, one almost too small to be seen, running off towards the Forbidden Forest. But she didn't stop to look. She ran towards the castle as fast as her feet would carry her. The doors were locked when she arrived, so she crouched into the entryway and wrapped her cloak around her. It was too cold to sleep, and she was too afraid. So she sat up in the entryway to wait for morning, and morning did not come for a lifetime.


	10. Chapter 10

"Narcissa?"

Someone was touching her shoulder, but she could hardly feel it, her skin was so cold. Narcissa shivered a little, and turned slightly.

Sirius was standing over her. In the crisp, freezing light of dawn, she could see that his clothes were filthy, and he had a still-bleeding gash over his left eye. He knelt down beside her on the snow-covered ground and said, "Are you all right?"

Of course she wasn't all right. She shook her head, not even hearing what he had asked. Had she imagined what happened last night? Had it been a dream?

"Come on," Sirius said, "You're freezing. You've got to come with me up to the hospital wing. We'll get you fixed up."

"Sirius," Narcissa managed, her teeth chattering so hard that she could barely speak, "Sirius – did you – was that - ?"

Sirius did not answer her.

She looked at him, straight into his eyes, "It was Remus, wasn't it," she said. It wasn't a question. "Remus is – is – "

Sirius did not speak.

To his horror, Narcissa's beautifully-arranged features crumpled, and she buried her face in her hands.

Sirius stared at her wretchedly for a minute. This really wasn't his thing – Remus was the one who was better with emotions. She wasn't crying yet, but he knew any minute now –

"Yes," he murmured softly, "Remus is a werewolf."

Narcissa's face rose from her hands and she looked at him again. Sirius wished he could look away, or at least will his eyes to not see her. She stared at him with such a wretched look of loss and pain that he could hardly stand it.

"It's all right," he said in a tone that he hoped was soothing, "You're safe now. Remus can't hurt you anymore."

He had meant to calm her, to make her feel safe. But Narcissa burst into tears.

"Narcissa – " he gasped, "Didn't you hear me? You're safe; Remus won't go near you again – don't worry about that."

"But I love him," she sobbed, burying her face in her hands and rocking back and forth.

Shocked into silence, Sirius watched her as she crawled deeper into herself, crying as if her heart was broken. And for the first time, ever since he could remember, his own heart tugged, slightly, knew what this girl, this woman who shared his blood, had felt for his friend.

He wrapped his arms around her and embraced her, for the first time, as his cousin. Together they knelt under the rising sun, rocking back and forth, each finally, for the first time, knowing exactly what the other one was feeling.

* * *

"How did she find out?" James demanded furiously. 

"Shh!" Lily silenced him.

The three of them were sitting up in the hospital wing, a few hours later. Sirius had brought Narcissa up, and Madam Pomfrey had given her something for both the cold and for shock. Narcissa had been too upset to tell her what had happened, but Sirius had made up some story about a spell going awry, and Madam Pomfrey had apparently believed him.

Sirius shook his head, "I have no idea. But then again, I wasn't there earlier when she was bugging the two of you up in the common room. You must have let something slip to her, something you thought wasn't that big a hint, and she must have figured it out on her own."

"I didn't tell her anything," Lily said, "but she ran up into your dormitory, and James followed her – I don't know what they said to each other – "

"I didn't tell her anything!" James stage-whispered angrily, "D'you think I'm so stupid as to give away Mooney's secret? I've kept it for the past six years, Padfoot, which is more than we can say for you."

"Me?" Sirius' eyes narrowed, "I haven't told a living soul, and you know it!"

"Oh yeah? 'Cause I seem to remember – "

"Snape!" Lily broke in. "Severus Snape! Remember?" Her green eyes were wide, "That night that you decided to trick him into going to the Whomping Willow!"

Sirius turned red, "That was two years ago. And Dumbledore threatened to chuck him out if he told anyone, remember?"

Now James' eyes were narrow, "He wouldn't have to tell her – he would just have to tell her enough."

Sirius nodded ruefully, "She's smarter than we all gave her credit for," he replied.

Lily tried to hide her smile, "She's not so bad when you get to know her, is she, Sirius?"

Sirius looked at his cousin, sleeping fitfully on the cot. He shook his head, "You don't understand, Lily – it was so hard, growing up in that family. I barely knew Narcissa."

"You don't have to apologize," Lily said, "I think she'll understand. Her life hasn't been all that easy, either."

Sirius closed his eyes, "You should have seen her, out there, after I found her sitting by the door this morning. I never thought I'd feel sorry for her in my entire life, but I did."

James looked regretful, "So I guess it's over between them, then."

But Sirius shook his head.

"I didn't think it was true," he said, "But – she loves him."

He stole a look at James and Lily to see if they believed him. They didn't say a word.

"She said so herself," he went on, "while she was crying. I think she honestly is in love with him."

"And Remus," Lily asked, "how does he feel about her?"

But James spoke up.

"She's wearing a werewolf pendant," he broke in, "I saw it yesterday on her. Silver and moonstone, protection against werewolves. Remus must have given it to her."

Lily's huge green eyes were shining.

"We can't let them split up," she announced determinedly.

"How do you propose we do that?" James asked, exasperated. "Remus has locked himself in the Shrieking Shack. He knows exactly what he almost did and he blames himself. He says that when he gets back to the castle, he's going to tell her he can't see her anymore."

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"Are you really that thick?" Lily asked him, "Remus is in love with her. He loves her too much to put her in danger. So rather than hurt her, he's going to give her up. "

"I don't think Narcissa is going to accept that," Sirius said hesitantly.

"What?" Lily asked, rounding on him.

"She seems pretty determined. I wouldn't be surprised if she fought to keep him."

Lily stood up. "I think it's high time that you two went down to Hogsmeade and had a little talk with Remus."

James followed suit, "Not yet," he said, "First we're going to have a little talk with Snape."

* * *

They found him in the library, trying to study for his Potions NEWT. Severus was sitting in a corner, deeply absorbed in a copy of Moste Potente Potions when James and Sirius came storming in. 

He saw them coming and leapt to his feet. The book thudded onto the floor, forgotten. His hand was already at his hip for his wand before he was even standing.

"Ease off," Sirius said, "both of you." He looked at James, who was glaring at Severus.

"Afraid, Black?" Severus spat out.

"Just for you, Snape," Sirius shot back smoothly.

James' gaze could melt lead, "You told Narcissa Black about Lupin," he accused, "Admit it."

"No, I didn't." Severus' voice was icy.

"Don't lie to me!" James raised his wand and pointed it straight at Severus.

Severus laughed and did the same, "You don't want to threaten me, Potter. I know more curses than you could possibly imagine. You can't hurt me anymore."

"I'd gladly break your face," James hissed.

"Prongs, step off," Sirius warned him in a low voice.

"By all means," Severus said loudly, "let the egomaniacal buffoon have his own way. Give me a reason to jinx you, Potter, and I swear you'll regret it."

Sirius half-expected James to fire off a curse, but instead, he only replied, "I won't provoke a fight with you. I made a promise and I'm going to keep it."

Severus laughed harshly, "Yes, it is so much easier to be a coward when you have dear Mudblood Lily Evans to protect you."

James flinched, but stood firm, "You call me, coward, Severus, when you're the one who tried to send an innocent girl to her death!"

The word hit home. Now it was Severus' turn to flinch.

"She's fine," he muttered, "Professor Slughorn said that she's just not feeling well –"

"Because last night she was attacked!" James spat out, "Because she went looking for Lupin! And she never would have known where to find him, if you hadn't told her."

"I didn't tell her anything," Severus returned.

"Bull."

"It's true." Severus licked his lips, agitated, "I didn't have to tell her anything."

"She wormed enough out of you, didn't she?" Sirius asked, "She only needed a little bit of information to figure out the truth, and you gave her that."

Severus said nothing.

James was so angry his fingers were shaking, "You couldn't just leave well enough alone, could you, Snivellus?" Severus flinched again angrily at the sound of his most hated nickname. "You couldn't stand to see anyone happy; you have to spread your bad mood around, like the plague. But why Lupin? He's never done anything to you."

"It's none of your business," Severus snapped, holding his wand steadily at James' face.

"What are you going to do?" Sirius asked him lowly, "Jinx both of us? Nobody's not that fast, Snape, not even you."

"Try me," Severus snarled.

James stood there for a moment, silent. Then he lowered his wand, "I didn't think even you could stoop that low, Snape," he said.

"Liar," Severus hissed, "Don't flatter yourself a saint. You've never thought anything different."

James whirled on one heel and stomped out of the library. After a moment's hesitation, Sirius followed quickly behind. Severus watched them leave, wand still at the ready, in case of treachery.

At the door, Sirius turned and looked at him, eyes full of hatred.

"I just want you to know," he snarled back, "that what you did amounts to nothing. She knows exactly what he is – and she's still in love with him."

Severus did not move, nor did he pocket his wand.

With a bang, Sirius slammed the door behind him.

Only then did Severus relax. He lowered his wand and stared after them.

"So Narcissa is still in love with the half-breed werewolf," he said softly to himself. "Then – there is nothing else to be done."

He walked over to the library fireplace and opened his book sack. He took out a small vial of black powder. Stepping towards the fireplace, he threw the powder into the air and shouted clearly, "To the Malfoy mansion!"

There was a burst of flame, and he was gone.


	11. Chapter 11

Remus did not return to school until New Year's Eve morning, the first day of the waning moon. He was visibly shaken and looked thinner and more ill than he had before he'd left. His clothes virtually hung on him, and when he was ordered by Professor McGonagall to the hospital wing, Madam Pomfrey twitched her lips, shook her head, and gave him a Pepper-Up solution, which made smoke pour from his ears, but did little else to change his appearance.

He didn't join his friends in the common room, and spent most of his time lying on his bed, buried in school work. He didn't leave Gryffindor Tower, on the off chance that he ran into Narcissa, and he refused to come down for meals.

That evening, James poked his head into the dormitory and said, "Hey, Mooney, we're going to play a game of Exploding Snap, want to join us?"

Remus shook his head, "I've got a lot of work to do."

"Come on, mate, it's New Year's Eve," James persisted, walking into the room and sitting on Remus' bed. "You can't lock yourself up here forever."

Remus did not look up from "The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 7."

James hesitated, "Remus, maybe you should talk to her – "

"I have a lot of work to do," Remus repeated, still avoiding his gaze, "If you could please let me study in peace."

James gave up. But a few minutes later someone else was rapping on the door.

"I'm busy," Remus said.

"I know you are," came a light female voice. Remus looked up hurriedly, but it was Lily. She walked into the room as James has before her, but did not sit on the bed. She rested her fingertips lightly on his trunk and stood there watching him.

"Lily," Remus said with sudden courtesy, "I didn't know it was you."

"Obviously," she replied, "Are you planning on staying up here until holiday is over?"

"I might," he answered noncommittally, "Got a lot to go over before NEWTs."

"NEWTS aren't until May," she said gently, "And I would have thought you knew it all by now – smart as you are."

"You flatter me," Remus replied without a hint of flattery in his voice, "But really, I'm falling behind in Potions."

Lily tipped her head to the side until her gaze was level with his.

"You always were a rotten liar, Remus."

Remus shut his book and leaned back against his pillow, closing his eyes, "I would have thought, of everyone here, you would understand."

"What's there to understand?" Lily demanded, "You didn't mean for it to happen, you took every precaution – you can't possibly be blaming yourself."

"I took every precaution – and I almost killed her!" Remus managed, "I almost tore her throat out - if Sirius hadn't come right them, she would have been dead."

He shuddered.

"It doesn't matter," he said, "Now that she knows what I am, she'll never speak to me again." He swallowed, and nodded decisively, "It's better that way. She won't be in any more danger."

"Remus," Lily began.

"No," he said, "If what I say isn't true – if she can honestly see past what I am, as Sirius and James have told me – I don't want to know about it."

He stood up and walked towards the door, and then looked back at her and said,

"I want to go on as if nothing happened, as if nothing passed between us. That way, nobody has to get hurt."

He walked through the common room, past James and Sirius' worried expressions, and through the portrait hole.

* * *

It seemed almost a desecration to go back to the top of the Astronomy Tower, when his dreams of being with Narcissa were crashing down around his ears. But Remus walked doggedly up the many flights of stairs. When he emerged, the night was crystal clear, but cold. He shivered, wishing he'd remembered his cloak. It was all right, he decided, he wouldn't be up long. He wrapped his long thin arms around his way-too-skinny frame and walked to the edge of the rail, looking over the grounds. 

Had there ever been such a night filled with stars? He had never seen one. The sky was a perfect midnight blue, every star like a perfect diamond pinprick in its velvety surface. There was no wind to add a chill to the air, but it was cold enough outside. Remus walked over to the bench where he had sat with Narcissa, that night, almost a month ago, when possibilities had seemed endless, when he'd been in control of his emotions, just once.

He shook his head. It was his own fault, all of it. He had followed her up there to make sure that she was all right, nothing more. Everything else was born of his own head. If he hadn't allowed his dreams to run away from him, he never would have found himself in this predicament. And Narcissa – poor, beautiful Narcissa –

He thought back to the many times he had seen her pretty, worried face in the hallways – always so beautiful, always so crestfallen, so defeated, someone whose wings had been clipped before she'd had a chance to soar. Someone who had lived so many years without having dreams. How Remus could relate to that!

"_People like us aren't allowed to have dreams_." That was what someone had told him once, another werewolf, when he'd been in St. Mungo's for emergency care. A rainy spring day, when the sky itself seemed to be crying along with Remus. He'd only been ten years old then; he hadn't even known the meaning of love. He thought that the bite he'd received when he was little would be the worse pain he'd ever endure. But this – this was so much worse. Because this time it wasn't just his dreams that were being destroyed before they could take flight. He was hurting Narcissa, too.

"If I hadn't taken that step," Remus thought to himself aloud, "I would never be where I am right now. Narcissa would still be Narcissa, and I would still be alone, just as I am now. At least some good came of all this. Narcissa has friends – James, Sirius, and Lily – and I – I have – "

He stopped. He did not want to say it out loud. _I have a beautiful memory_, he thought, _which nobody can take away from me. And I would not have had that otherwise._

From behind him, Remus sensed that he was being watched. Cautiously, he turned around.

Standing at the top of the stairs, wrapped in a long black cloak, was Narcissa.

Remus felt his whole body go colder.

"What are you doing up here?" he asked.

She looked at him, stared straight into his eyes, unflinching, unafraid, "I thought you'd be here," she said at last.

Remus looked away, "I suppose James or Lily told you where I was," he returned, not unkindly.

"No," Narcissa said blandly, "I haven't seen either of them in four days."

Neither of them spoke for a moment. Emotion warred inside Remus; he could not decide if he wanted her to come closer or to just go away. Why was she staring at him like that, so calm, so complacent? Why didn't she yell, scream, cry, weep at the injustice that she had fallen in love with a werewolf, blame him for not telling her the truth? Why did she just stand there staring at him?

"Why are you here?" he asked suddenly; he could not bear the silence one minute more.

Narcissa began to take slow steps towards him.

"I came," she replied quietly, "to see if you needed to talk."

"About what?" Remus asked, "There's nothing to talk about."

"You're right," she replied, "There isn't."

"What?" he asked, caught off-guard.

"You're mind is made up," she explained, as calmly as if they were discussing the evening's dinner menu, "You've already decided that you don't want us to be together, and you've also decided that there's nothing I can do to change your mind."

Remus turned his back on her and gripped the stone wall so hard his knuckles turned white.

"It's not safe for you," he muttered, "You ought to understand now – why we can't be together."

"I understand why you think we shouldn't be," Narcissa replied.

Remus exhaled and nodded sharply. "Good," he said, "Then I really have to go – Goodnight, Narcissa."

"Remus!"

She stopped him dead in his tracks. He turned to look back at her.

"I made a decision, too," she said, "That morning, while I was sitting outside the school, before Sirius came and found me. I had twelve hours to sit and wait in the freezing cold. And I think I deserve a chance to explain it before you say your goodbyes."

Remus looked at her. She was standing before him, eyes wide and honest. She was right; she deserved at least that. He nodded slowly.

"I understand what you are – there's no way to sugarcoat it. I understand why you were trying to protect me. I know that you have spent most of your adult life trying to keep your identity a secret from those who might seek to harm you." She took a deep breath, then continued, "But you have to understand me – what I am feeling, and who I really am, because if you did, you would not be making this decision lightly."

Remus was silent.

"Two months ago, you followed me up here on your own accord – nobody asked you to. You continued to speak to me outside of school, in the hallways, whenever you saw me, and I didn't pursue you. When I kissed you, you didn't pull away. I knew you were frightened. I knew that there was something you were keeping from me, possibly something terrible, and I know I probably should have run away, should have let you go right then."

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again.

"But I didn't. You opened up a whole world for me, Remus. You showed me what it was like to have someone care about me, to want what's best for me, to actually and honestly love me for who I am, not for my name or my family or the purity of my blood. You made me laugh and smile and understand what it was like to have hope. You showed me – what it's like to be in love."

Remus tried to speak, but she cut him off.

"I love you, Remus. I've loved you since the first time I held your hand up here two months ago. I've been in love with you this whole time and I never said it, and I should have – another drawback to living a life in fear. You think that the worst thing in the world would be to die, or to be hurt. Well, I know differently, and I know right now, that for me the only thing worse than death and pain would be to let you go without a fight."

"You don't know what you're saying," Remus whispered, "You don't understand – this wasn't a one-time thing, Narcissa, this is every month of my life. Every moment that the moon is full – I am a monster. I don't recognize you. I will kill you, if you are nearby, and that is something I can't bring myself to face."

"I don't care," Narcissa said fiercely, "I don't care about that; I don't care what you are. It doesn't change anything as far as I'm concerned. You are the same person to me that you were last week, before I knew you were a werewolf – There! I said it, I've faced the truth, and I'm not afraid." She stared at him defiantly, her blonde hair a halo in the soft cold wind. Then her expression softened, "I'm not letting you go, Remus. I'm not."

He shook his head. Why were his eyes filling with tears? "Narcissa, I can't face it. If something were to happen to you – if I were to hurt you – I could never live with myself. I would just – just – " He couldn't finish.

She touched his lips, stopping his words, "We will find a way," she whispered, "We will find a way to make this work. I'll break my engagement; I'll never go back to the Malfoys. I'm staying with you no matter what. Because I am not letting you leave me, Remus. I love you too much." A tear like a tiny star fell from her sapphire-blue eyes, down her face, flushed pink with cold.

Remus reached out and touched that tear with one finger, brushing it away, "Don't cry," he murmured, "It breaks my heart to see you in pain." He wrapped his arms around her, unbidden, and she melted into him, holding on tighter than she would normally, he realized. She is afraid, he thought, that I will slip away from her. He felt his resolve weakening. He tilted her pretty face up to look into his eyes.

"Do you understand what you are asking of me?" he asked her slowly, "I want to know that you absolutely know what I am, what I am capable of. What you are suggesting doing is abandoning your family, like your sister Andromeda, for the love of – of a werewolf," his voice caught, "a werewolf who loves you more than anything in the world, but who is not going to do anything you ask unless he makes sure you understand everything fully."

She nodded, her eyes full of tears now, "I understand."

Remus brushed a single blonde lock away from her face and ran his fingers down her cheek. He laughed a little, "I'm glad you do, because I don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't understand any of what's happening right now," he answered, "I feel like I'm in a dream."

She leaned her head against him, wrapped her arms around him.

"I never imagined anyone loving me like you do," he murmured into her blonde hair.

She pulled back a little, looked up at him, smiled, "Yes. I think I know what that feels like.'

He smiled down at her, touched her face, "God, I love you so much," he whispered.

Then, under a sky filled with diamond pinpricks of light, under the half-moon glittering above, without fear or doubt or regret, he bent and kissed her.


	12. Chapter 12

In the twenty years of his life, Lucius Malfoy had never known a single night of insomnia. He hardly even knew the meaning of the word. But it was nearly 3 in the morning, and he had been pacing his father's study – his study, soon, if what the healers at St. Mungo's told him was true – for what felt like hours. Outside, it was freezing, but the fire in the study raged on with no hint of dying down. Lucius stared into its depths darkly.

He'd only returned from Italy a week before. They had planned to tour Russia next, but his father had been struck down with a terrible fever that could not be explained. They had rushed back to London, and his father had been hospitalized. They had been told that there was nothing they could do, that it wouldn't be long now. Lucius had not been surprised. His father was old; everyone died eventually. He had always known that one day he would inherit the mansion, title, and lands his father had been grooming him for. So what if that day came a few years earlier than anticipated?

Lucius pounded the mantle with one fist.

And then Severus Snape had shown up in his fireplace, the very fireplace he was standing in front of now.

He had known Snape since he'd been fourteen and Snape was eleven. Snape was a first-year student, too young to be an official member of Lucius' inner circle. And although he was in Slytherin, it was commonly known that his father was a Muggle, and he had been shunned by everyone in Slytherin. He was extremely unpopular – well, it was known to happen once in a while, to some unfortunate child, and Lucius had thought little of it. But rather than embrace his half-blood heritage, like many of their fellow students, Snape preferred to hang around Lucius and his friends, watching them hopefully, waiting for someone to accept him into the group. It had been a vain wish, for the most part; nobody was inclined to do so, until Lucius had wandered into what he'd thought was an abandoned corridor and saw Snape jinxing a Gryffindor first-year for picking on him – using a very advanced curse that even Lucius did not know.

From that day on, Lucius had allowed Snape in to his inner circle, giving him his protection against students that often had picked on him before. Lucius was the undisputed leader of the group – if anyone questioned him about his odd choice of friends, he would only reply that Snape was a useful companion – and seldom if ever did people question his judgment.

When Lucius had graduated, he'd forgotten about Snape almost entirely. He threw him aside as carelessly as he had picked him up in the first place. It was only when all of his other friends had left school, and he realized that there was nobody to keep an eye on his long-time fiancé, Narcissa Black, that he paid a visit to the house of Tobias Snape, father of Severus. Surprisingly, his presence still instilled a sense of gratitude in the younger Snape, who agreed to tail the pretty youngest Black daughter during his own last year of school.

Lucius hadn't intended for it to be anything other than a relaxing job for Snape; in her six years at Hogwarts, Narcissa had given him next to nothing to worry about. Having spent ten years with nobody to speak with except for members of the Malfoy family, and having almost no friends at school, there was little room for her to err. So the first half of the school year had gone by without incident – until Snape came blazing out of his fireplace the other night.

Lucius turned and walked away from the roaring fire, towards his father's mahogany desk. On its surface were two prized framed photographs. The first was of his mother, Maria, in the days when she was still young and beautiful, but cold and distant as ever, her snow-blonde hair piled elegantly on top of her head. Lucius passed to the second frame and picked it up.

It had been taken last summer, at the wedding of Rodolphus Lestrange and Narcissa's sister, Bellatrix, and it was of Lucius and Narcissa, sitting by the water fountain on the Lestranges' spacious grounds. The Lucius in the photograph was not looking into the camera; he was looking at someone outside the frame and laughing at something that couldn't be seen. His arm was slung carelessly around Narcissa's slender shoulders.

Lucius looked at the Narcissa in the photograph. She was perched on the edge of the fountain, hands folded delicately in her lap, and she had worn an almost-ethereal apple green organdy dress that day; it floated with the breeze. Her long blonde hair was up in an elegant bun, not a strand out of place, and she was looking directly into the camera with a small smile on her face – a demure smile, Lucius had once thought with pride. Now it only seemed fake.

"How could you do this?" he muttered through clenched teeth at the photograph, "How could you do this to me?"

At twenty-one years old, Lucius was not used to feeling anything for people. While he cared for his parents with odd detachment that he supposed came from living with certain individuals for most of one's life, he had never had a schoolboy crush, had never felt anything very strongly for anyone. He didn't expect to.

But while he'd been in Europe, he had carried a copy of this particular photograph in his pocket. More than once, late at night, he'd caught himself taking it out and looking at it, before he went to sleep –

Lucius closed his eyes and clenched his teeth hard.

"It's unendurable!" he shouted to nobody. There was nobody to hear.

He thought about what Snape had told him, all of Narcissa's layered and multiple sins. Making friends with a Mudblood Muggle-born named Lily Evans. Reuniting with her cousin, that slimy blood-traitor Sirius Black. And running around with a half-breed werewolf named Remus Lupin! His eyes flew open.

"That whore!" he shouted again, throwing the framed photograph on the floor. The glass shattered into several large pieces. He paid no attention.

He hadn't wanted to believe it was true. How could it be? Narcissa had never done anything that she hadn't been told to do, had never strayed even a toe out of line in all the years he had known her. How could she betray him now, only two years from their anticipated wedding date?

No, he hadn't wanted to believe it. For several days, it clawed at his mind, until he could stand it no longer. He had walked into his mother's room, empty, since his mother was holding vigil at St. Mungo's. His mother had, in her possession, a glittering mirror, something that Lucius had often scorned as being somewhat fairy-tale-ish, that would let her see whatever a certain subject was doing at any given time. He had gone to the glass and announced "Narcissa Black!" in a voice not his own.

And there, standing outside the castle in the dark of night, he had seen his fiancé in the arms of an unfamiliar face, a tall teenager with sandy brown hair and blue eyes. And he had seen him kiss her.

The rage. The absolute anger and betrayal that Lucius felt was without limits. He had not slept that night, and he had not slept all day. This was his second sleepless night. He didn't know how he could stand it.

His first inclination was to kill them both where they stood – to go to the castle that instant and annihilate them for daring to cuckold him. But he knew, in his heart of hearts, that if he raised his wand against Narcissa, he could never kill her. After so many years of believing that someday she would be his, Lucius could not accept the fact that her heart belonged to another. But he also knew that he could not bring himself to kill her.

Killing the werewolf was something different, entirely. Lucius knew he could do it. Every time he thought of Narcissa in that – that creature's arms – Lucius shook his head against the image. Oh, killing Remus Lupin would be easy, very easy indeed.

But it wouldn't work. Lucius sighed, resigned to the fact. If he killed Lupin, Narcissa would never be his. She was – much as he hated to admit it – in love with the half-breed. And anybody could go storming in, wand-raised, and kill their adversary. Lucius frowned. Death was too good for this man. He would find another way.

Of course, there was any number of ways to ruin Lupin's life. Simply revealing his secret would be bad enough. He would be expelled from Hogwarts, forced to live on the fringes, hunted down wherever he went. But no, that wouldn't work either. Lucius' brow knit in thought. Narcissa would only follow the werewolf – and Narcissa herself might be hurt.

Or –

The door to the study opened. Lucius turned.

It was only Dobby, the Malfoy family's house elf. He cowered in the doorway, bowing in obsequiousness.

"What do you want?" Lucius snarled at him, "I told you not to disturb me here!"

"Dobby apologizes," the little house elf trembled, "but he has news from the mistress."

Lucius strode over to the door, "Well? Get on with it? Is it about my father?"

Dobby shuddered, swallowed, and bowed his head, "Mistress told Dobby that his master died, not one hour ago. Mistress says that you are Dobby's master now."

Lucius turned and looked around the room. All of this – everything – was his now. His father was dead. He was lord of the manor now.

He looked down at the cringing house elf and felt nothing but revulsion, "Now get out of here," he said, "And I have ALWAYS been your master."

With a crack, Dobby vanished, and Lucius was alone again. He slammed the door of the study shut and leaned against the door.

His father was dead. He was lord of the manor, and should the story of Narcissa and the werewolf get out, he would be the laughingstock of everyone he knew. Lucius would not be the one to bring the family low.

I can't let this happen, he thought to himself. There must – there must be a way –

Lucius' lips curved into a knowing smile.

All he had to do was make a threat. Tell Narcissa that he would have Lupin killed if she didn't marry him. That was it! He would make his threat, and Narcissa would break up with Remus – and then he would make sure she left school. The wedding would be moved up to this summer, instead of the next. He would have his way. Narcissa would be his bride –

He stopped.

"No," he said, "That can't be all. Because he won't give her up."

He laughed.

"Unless, when she's finished leaving him – I make good on that threat."

He walked towards the fireplace and felt something crunch under his feet. Of course. A piece of broken glass. He reached down and picked up the photograph from the little pile of shattered fragments on the floor. He did not look at it this time.

"So this is how it has to be," he said softly, "Narcissa – it's me – or the werewolf dies."

He hurled the picture into the flames. Dispassionately, he watched Narcissa's pretty face darken and shrivel and crumple, until nothing but ashes remained.


	13. Chapter 13

Saturday, February 4th, was Narcissa's 17th birthday. It was the first that she could remember not feeling out of place, or alone. She woke up that Saturday feeling refreshed and excited. It was a week past the last full moon; Remus would be there. It was turning out to be a perfect birthday.

She had a trunk full of fancy clothes to wear, but nothing seemed suitable for her first grown-up birthday. Her designer dresses all looked little-girlish, a shame, an imitation of adulthood. Narcissa ran her hands over the apple-green organdy dress she had worn to Bellatrix's wedding last summer. When she had worn it then, she had felt so grown-up, so beautiful. Now it looked like something a child had worn.

Besides, the need to hide behind the cloak of her beauty had faded. She pulled on an every-day outfit, a white sweater and pale blue plaid pleated skirt, and smiled at herself as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. "I don't care how beautiful I am now or how unattractive I become as I grow old," she said to herself quietly. If Remus didn't care – she most definitely wouldn't.

She didn't bother putting on any makeup – she brushed her long blonde hair loose, instead of putting it into its classic updo, which she always wore in front of Lucius, to make herself look older. She inspected herself in the mirror. Although she was finally of age, Narcissa Black finally looked like a happy young woman, instead of a morose little child. She smiled once more, and bounced towards the door of the dungeon.

The sky above the Great Hall was robin's egg blue and dotted with the fluffiest of white clouds when she entered. Her eyes darted over the Gryffindor table and met Remus' gaze. His own face lit up when he saw her enter. James, Sirius, Lily, and Peter all smiled and waved hello. Narcissa felt joy bubbling up inside her, as if she was a bottle of champagne that someone had shaken up by mistake. She waved back at them, her smile almost splitting her face.

Students were forbidden from sitting at other House tables during the school year, so Narcissa had no choice but to go skipping over to the Slytherin table. She had taken good care not to let any of her happiness or her feelings for Remus become too apparent, and she felt there had been no slip-ups. Not that anyone would notice, anyway, she thought ruefully, as she took her place at the Slytherin table, a few seats down from Severus Snape, she noticed.

Ever since she had been to the Shrieking Shack, Narcissa had kept her distance from Severus. She knew that somehow he had discovered Remus' secret, but she didn't know how, nor did she want to. Remus had not told her, and she had learned her lesson about letting him have his secrets. Severus had not approached her since she had returned from the hospital wing. She was no longer wearing her werewolf pendant, which she hoped he would notice, in case he was currying tales to Lucius.

Lucius –

Narcissa had received an owl from him, a few days after the New Year:

_My darling Narcissa –_

_I bring you sad tidings this day. My beloved father was stricken with dragon pox while we were touring Italy, and we returned home so he could be treated. Alas, he did lot linger long, and passed away on New Year's Eve. May his spirit be at peace._

_I know that you are busy with school work and I shall not ask you to return home for the funeral. Trouble yourself not for my sake; I will have Mother by my side and will be content. However, I will summon you to the manor sometime after your birthday in February, so please be on your guard for my call._

_Much love and affection._

_Always yours,_

_Lucius._

Narcissa had not thought much of the letter when it came. She was happy that she did not have to go to the funeral. She was wary of the upcoming "summons" that Lucius spoke of – but at the same time, she put it out of her mind. Just because Lucius summoned her, she did not have to go see him. She could ignore the summons. She could put off seeing him until summertime came – and then, she would run away with Remus.

Narcissa blushed pink. It was more or less common knowledge between the two of them that when Remus left Hogwarts, he would be taking Narcissa with him. But there was no formal recognition of their affection, nothing to tie them. Once or twice, Narcissa wondered if Remus would ever ask. But, she amended, they had only been seeing each other for a month or so – a shorter time than Lily and James, who of course were not engaged yet either – although it wasn't for lack of trying on James' part.

Someone touched Narcissa's shoulder, and she looked up. Remus was passing by on his way out of the hall, apparently not even looking in her direction. But as he passed, he forced a folded piece of paper into her hand and wrapped her fingers around it, before he vanished into the crowd of students who had already finished breakfast.

Keeping her hands under the table, Narcissa unfolded the letter and read it:

_Meet us in Hogsmeade after breakfast if you want to see your birthday presents. R.L._

_

* * *

_  
There was only one place in Hogsmeade that the six of them could meet and know for sure they were hidden from public view. Narcissa pulled her cloak on and hurried out of the castle and into the village, across the frozen fields, through the fences. By the time the Shrieking Shack was in view, she was practically flying with excitement.

She knocked on the door, completely out of breath.

"Who is it?" a nasally voice called quietly through the door.

"It's Narcissa, Peter," she replied, slightly exasperated.

The door opened, and Peter's pale, pointed face poked out, a disgruntled expression evident, "How did you know it was me?" he asked petulantly.

"Let her in, Wormtail, you lug," Sirius shouted, pushing him aside. "Come in, Cissa, we've been waiting all morning for this!"

"For what?" she asked laughingly, stepping inside the dark hallway, "To show me into this old – "

But then her voice trailed off, and she could do nothing but gasp, mouth agape.

James, Sirius, Lily, and Peter were all watching her, smiling as widely as she had at breakfast. The interior of the Shrieking Shack had been – transformed. There was no other word for it. Someone – probably Lily - had strung little fairy lights all over the walls, so the room glowed from within. Sitting on a broken kitchen table, which was covered with a piece of brightly-colored cloth, was a pile of wrapped birthday gifts. But there was no sign of Remus.

"Where is – where?" Narcissa could hardly speak.

"Well, I call that gratitude!" James teased, "We go through all this trouble to set up for your birthday – and all you can ask is where your boyfriend is!"

"He'll be along in a minute," Lily said, "Open your presents first!"

Narcissa didn't need to be asked twice. There was a study book of Transfiguration exercises from Peter, who hardly knew Narcissa and seemed shy about giving it to her. James had bought her a pair of aquamarine earrings, and Lily had bought a beautiful ivory silk scarf, embroidered with pink and pale yellow roses. Sirius had bought her a vial of apple-scented perfume. Narcissa felt like she was bubbling up again.

"I've never had a birthday like this," she said, wrapping Lily's scarf around her neck. "I feel like an absolute princess."

"It's not over yet," came a voice behind her.

Narcissa turned. Remus was standing in the doorway with a mischievous grin on his face.

She jumped to her feet, ran to embrace him, but was stopped as he held up his hand.

"Before you hug me," he said, still grinning, "I want to make sure I deserve it."

He pulled a small package from his pocket and handed it to her.

With trembling fingers, Narcissa undid the ribbon and opened the lid.

Inside was a tiny, sparkling diamond ring.

"Will you marry me, Narcissa?" Remus asked softly.

Narcissa looked up at him, eyes shining with tears, and threw her arms around him. Remus laughed softly and hugged her tightly.

"So it's a yes!" Lily exclaimed, clapping her hands together with undisguised joy.

"Yes!" Narcissa managed, brushing away her tears, "Yes, yes, yes!" Remus took the box from her and slipped the ring onto her left finger.

Sirius clapped Remus on the shoulder, "Well done, mate!" he congratulated him, "Although I think you're both still a mite young – "

"Come off it, Padfoot," Remus grinned, "Give an old friend a break."

James nudged Lily, "See? SHE said yes!"

"You haven't officially asked me yet!" Lily protested, hands on hips.

James' face lit up, "Is that all it takes? Give me a second, I'll be right back!"

"You clown," Lily sighed, restraining him from running out the door, "You can't do it now. That wouldn't be romantic at all. And besides," she said, grinning slyly, "As I said before, I'm too young yet."

James clapped his hand to his head, "Women! Always changing their minds!"

"Bad luck, Prongs," Peter nudged him.

"You'll see, Lily," James warned her, "Someday I'll just give up. And then what will you do?"

"Move on, I expect," she replied, "So, you two," she turned to Narcissa and Remus, still smiling at each other, "pry yourselves apart for a moment and tell me when the wedding is."

"Oh, that's not going to happen for awhile," Remus said, "We've got to get settled first. We have – arrangements to make."

"More like engagements to break," Narcissa broke in, smiling in spite of herself.

"You haven't told Lucius yet?" Peter asked, "He's going to be furious."

Narcissa tossed her head willfully, "I know he is. But I don't care. I'm going to write him a letter and send it to him. That way I won't have to go home again and deal with him."

"What if he comes after you?" Peter asked.

"Come off it, Wormtail," Sirius scoffed, "He's not the Prince of Darkness."

"Besides," Remus cut in, "She won't be alone. She has me."

Sirius pretended to vomit into a corner, "You two are too sappy for words."

"I know," James said, "Come on, Lily. Let's – go for a walk."

"All right," she replied cautiously, "But if I see your hand go suspiciously into your pocket, I'm leaving!"

"Let's go check out Zonko's, Peter," Sirius drawled, draping his arm over their remaining friend, "We bachelor types have to stick together." Over his shoulder he called, "Stay out of trouble, you two!"

As the door shut behind Sirius and Peter, Remus looked down at Narcissa, eyes a question.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked, "I know I put you on the spot a bit there, doing it in front of those guys – "

Narcissa put her fingers to his lips to silence him.

"It's exactly what I want," she replied, "This has been the best birthday of my life. And it's all due to you."

She kissed him on the lips, and Remus bent into it, eagerly catching her mouth with his as they shared a long embrace. When they pulled apart, Narcissa sighed, "It seems forever until you graduate."

"I know," Remus replied, "But it's only four more months. And then we'll never be apart again. Right?"

"Of course," Narcissa said, snuggling into him and admiring her ring out of the corner of her eye, "Never, ever again."


	14. Chapter 14

"And now he tells me that Narcissa is wearing a diamond on her left hand!" Lucius snarled, throwing himself into the high back chair in his father's (now his) library and staring petulantly over the rain-soaked grounds of the estate.

The woman he was addressing, a tall, leggy brunette with deep-set dark eyes, placed the book she had been leafing through idly back on the shelf and looked at him. "Surely not," she said, placing her hands on her slender waist, "Even she wouldn't be such an idiot."

"Why not?" Lucius asked, turning to look at her accusingly, "Your other sister was."

"Careful, Lucius," Bellatrix Black, now Bellatrix Lestrange, warned him, "Stupid though Andromeda might be, she of course began life in a different position than Narcissa did."

"A different position?" Lucius frowned, "Explain, please."

"Well," Trixie sat on the arm of the plush chair and ran her fingers through Lucius' white-blonde hair, "beautiful girls have certain – advantages."

Lucius sat, transfixed, watching her hand slide down his shoulder, down his arm.

"But," Trixie finished, removing her arm and subsequently breaking the spell her it held over him, "Andromeda was never the loveliest of creatures. That mouse-brown hair – those buggy eyes – the black sheep of the family. She was never going to go very far. I'm surprised she even managed to catch a Muggle husband." She looked away, off into the distance, "And now she and that Muggle have a horrid little half-breed child."

Lucius shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, "A child?"

Trixie grimaced, "She had the nerve to name her Mudblood daughter Nymphadora after our grandmother. Imagine the shame." She laughed harshly, "Nymphadora Tonks. Simply rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?"

"What do I care?" Lucius snarled, pushing himself to his feet, "Why should I give a damn about your sister and her half-breed brat? My fiancé is running around Hogsmeade with a half-breed WEREWOLF, and now she's wearing his ring!"

He seethed, "It's supposed to be MY ring that she's wearing. Mine."

"It will be," Trixie soothed, pouring off of the chair and adjusting the hem of her short forest green dress, "We just need to formulate a plan. Be patient."

"I don't think there's really TIME to be patient," Lucius hissed, "The half-breed graduates in four months. Rumor has it she's going to run off with him and leave me some sort of Dear John letter, and everyone will be mocking the name of Malfoy for the next five generations! I can't let that happen."

"Pull yourself together," Trixie snapped, "We'll think of something. I was always able to con Narcissa into giving me my way when we were little. And since when have you ever had to go down on your knees to beg for anything? Did you learn nothing from seven years in Slytherin house? It's not about aggression, Lucius, it's about brains. We will manage this."

Lucius looked at her hard, lean body and felt an unbidden surge of lust. He looked away.

"I know what you're thinking," Trixie Lestrange said in a low, come-hither tone. He looked back at her quickly. Her lips were curved in a knowing smile, "You forget that I am an extremely accomplished Occlumens."

Lucius looked away again, "You're married."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Trixie purred. She walked towards him, slowly, seductively, "Like you, Lucius, I know how to get what I want."

Lucius looked into her deep-set eyes, observed the way her long, shining mahogany hair brushed her shoulders as if it kissed them. She was getting under his skin. An image of bright sapphire blue eyes, of corn silk blonde hair, floated through his mind. His eyes hardened.

"What I want is Narcissa," he said coldly, "I doubt you know how to get her for me."

She leaned into him, so her eyes were level with his.

"Watch me," she said breathily.

Lucius tried to close his mind. I don't want her, he thought. I want Narcissa. Narcissa. Narcissa. No. Trixie –

He grabbed her hard around her neck and yanked her roughly to him, kissing her hard on the lips. Her lips were painted plum colored and oh dear God, they were as moist and soft as grapes. He had kissed Narcissa, often, on the cheek, and once in a while on her lips, but those kisses were meek, tentative, and modest. Trixie was wild, uninhibited, untamed. No, he did not love her, but there was passion for her that he never expected to feel.

Trixie pulled away, looked at him through her eyelashes, her mouth in a smirk. Lucius could still taste her kiss on his lips.

"Perfect," she said, "I know exactly what we're going to do."

"You do?" Lucius asked her uncertainly, embarrassed at what had just happened.

Trixie smiled knowingly, "We just have to bide our time until the Hogwarts graduation."

Lucius frowned, "Why so long?"

Trixie sauntered over to the bookshelves and began thumbing through the titles. "Because we're going to need a long time to prepare exactly what we need to pull this off."

"What we need?"

She nodded absently, pulling a worn book off one of the shelves and leafing through it, "These were all your father's books? He has a stunning collection concerning the properties of Dark potions."

"My father was an accomplished Potions master," Lucius replied, "He invented some complicated ones."

"Well, that's exactly what we're looking for," Trixie said, "At least in part."

Lucius walked over to her and tried to read over her shoulder. She pulled away, put the book back on the shelf, and picked up another, equally as worn and faded.

"I'll need a lock of Narcissa's hair," she said absently, "Here we go." She stopped on a page and pointed to it.

Lucius peered over her shoulder at it, then turned to her, eyes wide, finally understanding.

"Do you really think it will work?"

Trixie beamed at him, "Think? I KNOW it will work."

She tore a piece of paper loose from the front of the book and marked the page she was reading before she set it down on an end table.

"Now," she said, "I don't much like your idea of threatening Narcissa with killing the half-breed werewolf if she doesn't marry you. It's clumsy, ineffective. It lacks finesse."

Lucius flushed angrily, "And I suppose you have a better method of convincing her to stay with me?"

"Actually, I do," Trixie replied, looking at him levelly, "It's going to take me a while to research exactly how you're going to do it, though."

"Me?"

Trixie shot him a look, "If you want this to work, you're the only one who is going to be able to do it. I can convince her to submit to it, but I can't be the one who performs the spell."

"Spell?" Lucius looked alarmed, "You're going to put a spell on her to make her fall in love with me?"

Trixie glared at him, "You have no imagination, Lucius. For someone with so much ambition, you lack the patience and you lack the subtlety."

"You will not insult me in my own house!" Lucius shouted at her.

"Keep your voice down!" she ordered, "Your mother is here!"

"My mother," Lucius scoffed, "She hasn't been the same since Father died. Pay no attention to her."

"I really could care less about your mother," Trixie hissed back, "But a more scrupulous person would realize that your mother is still unaware of your current situation, and she could cause more harm than help if she were to discover it."

Lucius cast a wary eye at the door. Then he squared his shoulders, "What do you propose?"

She eyed him sideways, her long dark hair shading one eye like a curtain. Inside, she felt a delicious desire to laugh. Men were so easy, so predictable. At 21, she was still a young woman, not beautiful, but stunning in a way most women would never be. And she knew how to get what she wanted. Bellatrix had always known exactly what she wanted.

It had been difficult, marrying Rodolphus Lestrange, but she had done it. The choice had not been hers to make. She had resented her father for making the arrangements with the Lestranges when she was so young, but she was not so stupid as her sister Andromeda, who had thrown away a promising life with the Rosiers to marry scum like Ted Tonks, a Muggle.

It was only a few weeks after her wedding to Rodolphus that she began to realize that there was more to her husband than what met the eye. Rodolphus spent most of his time locked in his study, and from outside the door Bellatrix could hear muttered chanting, smell strange and exotic scents from bubbling potions. Something was going on behind the closed door – but what?

She had her answer only a month after their wedding. Unable to sleep one night, she had crept down the stairs and noticed the door to her husband's study open. There was a strange green light flickering from within. She walked to do the door and peered around it.

Rodolphus was standing in front of a bubbling cauldron, speaking to someone Trixie had never seen before. He was a tall man, with skin so pale it was nearly transparent, and slanted eyes with a red tint. He had thinning black hair on his scalp, but Trixie could see that he was not old – only in his forties, perhaps.

"You understand my predicament, then?" this stranger had rasped.

Rodolphus nodded.

"I need more followers. Strong ones," the stranger went on, "I need people with ambition. With strength. I need someone with close ties to the Ministry of Magic. Someone with money, with power. You need to get this person for me, and in return – when I make my rise to power – I will exalt you higher than the dreams of many men."

"I will do this, My Lord," Rodolphus had bowed his head.

"I need Lucius Malfoy."

Trixie had started at the sound of her sister's fiance's name.

So had Rodolphus.

"My Lord, I hardly know Lucius Malfoy," he stammered, "He is my sister-in-law's fiancé, but that is all I know of him."

"I do not want excuses," the stranger had muttered, "I need Lucius Malfoy. To prove your loyalty to me, you will obtain him."

Rodolphus had muttered something.

"If you will not help me," the stranger replied tartly, "then perhaps there is someone else who will – standing outside this very room."

He had raised one arm, and before Trixie could hide, the door she'd been hiding behind swung open. Rodolphus had jumped at the sight of her.

"Your wife, I presume," the stranger had hissed. "The honorable Mrs. Lestrange."

"Trixie," she had managed, quite overcome with his presence.

"Trixie," the stranger said, "your husband and I have been discussing the predicament I find myself in. He is unable to provide me with another ally to my cause. I wonder if you could be able to do it."

Trixie had walked into the room, only slightly hesitant of what she was getting herself into. "I heard you. I heard everything," she replied quickly, "Something about exaltation."

"Oh, Mrs. Lestrange," the stranger managed a cruel smile, "If you follow me, I will give you more than you can desire. Money, power, prestige – all that you dream of and more."

Trixie was struck with the uncomfortable sensation that this stranger was penetrating her mind, could see her innermost thoughts. She brushed her discomfort aside and said, "I can get him for you. He is my sister's fiancé. I can get Lucius Malfoy."

"Trixie, how?" Rodolphus whispered, but the stranger cut him off.

"As you can see, Mrs. Lestrange," he said contemptuously, "your husband is somewhat – hesitant – about his abilities to provide me with what I need. Are you sure you are up to the task?"

Trixie shot her husband a warning look, "Yes. I can do it."

The stranger smiled that same cruel smile, "Do so, and you will have the gratitude of Lord Voldemort," he replied.

* * *

"Trixie?" 

She came back from her reverie to find Lucius staring at her.

"Do you honestly think it can be done?" he asked.

She smiled, "Lucius," she purred, "for the right price, anything can be done."


	15. Chapter 15

It was early May, and the days were getting longer. The rainy weeks of April were behind them, and Narcissa and Lily spent most of their time enjoying the sunny weather. Since neither of them were studying for any exams, with OWLs behind them and NEWTs not until next year, there was little to do except to take in the sun and wait for the school year to come to a close.

Remus, James, and Sirius were all gnawing their nails each and every day, anticipating letters from the Ministry, letting them know whether or not they were accepted to the Ministry's Auror program. Only a handful of students, at most, were accepted to the program each year, and the three of them were determined to do so. Peter had toyed with the idea as well, but after attaining poor marks on his OWLs, he had decided to shoot for something more practical – Magical Law Enforcement. He had already been accepted, and so he had little to worry about in the weeks before NEWTs.

That day, a Monday, Narcissa and Lily were taking in the sun in the gardens, trying not to think about how the acceptance and rejection letters were due that day. Neither wanted to think about what would happen if the boys were rejected.

"Of course," Lily said bravely, "It's not a binding acceptance, even if they ARE accepted. They still have to wait to see if they pass their NEWTs."

Narcissa nodded. She knew this. Everybody knew it. Lily was just looking for something to say.

"Here," she said, placing the daisy chain she'd been working on absent-mindedly onto Lily's bright red hair.

Lily plucked it off and laughed, "How can you work a daisy chain at a time like this?"

"Something to do," Narcissa answered.

Lily sighed, "Well, that will be me next year," she murmured, looking towards the castle.

Narcissa looked up at her, surprised, "Really? I didn't know you wanted to be an Auror."

Lily nodded, "Oh, yeah. It's been my dream for the past few years. Professor Slughorn says I have the talent, and McGonagall says that if I slightly improve my spell work, I should have as good a chance as any. But of course, it's still a year to wait."

She looked at Narcissa quizzically, "What do you think you're going to do, after you and Remus leave school?"

"Oh," Narcissa shrugged, "I'm not sure, really. You know I'm really not a hand at magic. I may be pure-blood, but if you ask me, I'm practically a Squib. The only thing I've ever been really good at is Shield Charms. I'm sure I can find something to do, though."

"Cissa! Lily!"

The two girls looked behind them so fast their necks cricked. Three tall, lanky forms were running across the grounds towards them. James was in the lead, waving a piece of parchment in the air with a grin nearly splitting his face.

"You got in!" Lily screamed, jumping to her feet.

"We all did!" Sirius shouted, "Me, James, and Remus! Can you believe it?"

Remus was running, too, but a little ways behind the other two. His smile was just as wide as theirs were. Narcissa ran to him and hugged him. "Look," he said, out of breath, "Read it."

She laughed and took the parchment out of his hand, "The Ministry of Magic is pleased to accept Remus J. Lupin to the Ministry's Auror Training Program – I'm so proud of you!" She kissed him quickly and continued scanning the letter with a smile on her face.

"It's pending NEWT scores, of course," James explained, showing his letter to Lily, "but there's no way we're going to fail." He grinned at Sirius, "The Ministry has no idea what it's getting into, accepting all three of us, mates."

Remus looked at Narcissa, "We're going down into Hogsmeade for some drinks. Do you want to come with?"

"I can't," Narcissa said, rolling her eyes, "Lucius and my sister Bellatrix are visiting for the day. I told them I would meet them here at school in about half an hour."

Remus frowned, "Lucius is coming here? When did you find this out?"

"Morning post," Narcissa shrugged, "It's no big deal. He and Trixie will come, we'll take a walk around the grounds, I'll nod and smile when he talks about our potential 'wedding' plans, and then they'll leave. No big deal."

"I thought we agreed that if you had to see him, I would be with you," Remus said hesitantly. "I don't know if it's a good idea, if you stay here by yourself."

"Remus, I'll be fine," she answered, "He can't do anything to me on school grounds, after all. What could possibly happen?"

Remus' expression was dark.

Lily touched his arm, "Remus, I think you're taking this a little too seriously."

"You think I should leave her here with him?" he asked incredulously.

"He'll be with my sister," Narcissa replied, slightly exasperated. "It's not even as if we're going to be alone. It's Trixie, Remus."

"Not that she's much better than Lucius," grumbled Sirius. He saw Narcissa's dark look and said, "Well, it's true. She's a git."

"Be that as it may," Narcissa broke in, "she's my sister, and she'd never do anything to hurt me."

Remus hesitated.

She looked at him, her eyes warm but firm, "Go on," she said, "I'll meet up with you later."

James clapped Remus on the shoulder, "You heard the wife, mate. Let's go. I'll even buy you a round." He tucked Lily's arm under his own, and they started off towards Hogsmeade.

Sirius pulled on Remus' sleeve, "Come on," he said, "Cissa can handle herself. Right?" he asked his cousin.

She nodded.

Remus looked at her for one long minute. "I love you," he said.

Narcissa smiled, reached up, and kissed him on the lips, "I love you too. Now, go on."

Remus walked backwards, holding her hand until he could no longer reach it. Her fingers slipped from his easily. Sirius took hold of his arm and they slowly followed James and Lily. He watched as Narcissa's form grew smaller and smaller, and finally, disappeared.

As soon as he was out of sight, Narcissa sighed and shook her head. She sat down on the bench to wait for Lucius and Trixie. She didn't even hear anyone approaching, nor the whispered hiss of, "_Obliviate_!"

* * *

"One more round!" Sirius sang, raising his empty glass into the air, "Another round for the three newest Auror candidates!" 

"Quiet down," Remus muttered, "you're making a scene."

But even he could not help laughing as James slipped out of his chair in an attempt to flag down Madam Rosmerta, the pretty eighteen-year-old barmaid, as she walked by, swaying her hips as she went. In the process, his drink splattered all over Lily's uniform.

Lily met Remus' eye over the table, "I think it's time we got these two home," she said, "They're sloshed."

"I can hold my alcohol fine," James slurred, trying to get back into his chair and failing miserably, "Just give me a hand up, there's a girl – "

"How come you're not drunk, Mooney, old pal?" Sirius managed, as he slugged down another firewhiskey and stared at his friend, bleary-eyed.

"I am, a little," Remus lied. As much fun as he was having, he could not deny that the sooner they got back to school, the better he would feel. Besides, they had been there almost three hours. The sky was getting dark, and hopefully Lucius Malfoy and Trixie Lestrange would have left Narcissa alone by now.

"Come on," Lily said, "Up you get, James. Time to get going home."

The four of them managed to pay for their drinks and make a rather loopy pathway to the door, James hanging off of Lily's petite frame; Remus holding Sirius firmly by the elbow. Outside, the air had become chilly with the twilight, and Remus shivered a little with the cold. He could hardly lug Sirius; drunk as his friend was, he was practically deadweight.

"Will you look at that," James giggled, high-pitched, like a little girl, pointing at something in the vicinity of the Hog's Head Pub, "They certainly look busy."

Remus, who was trying too hard to support Sirius, did not look where he was pointing. But as he struggled, he saw Sirius' eyes widen, as if he was suddenly sobering up. The expression on his face was one of shock, or horror. Remus looked up quickly, just as Sirius shouted, "No, Mooney!"

Standing against the wall, pressed tightly against each other in a passionate embrace, was a man and a young woman. The man had silver-blonde hair the color of moonlight, and his suit was expensively cut. Lucius Malfoy.

His arms were wrapped tightly around the slender body of a girl in a Hogwarts uniform, with the distinctive silver snake of Slytherin embroidered on the front of her sweater. Her hair glowed corn silk blonde in the lamplight of the pub. She pulled away from Lucius Malfoy and licked her lips, tasting the kiss they had just shared. She opened her eyes and smiled up at him.

It was Narcissa.

Remus felt his legs go numb. In fact, everything in his body, from the waist down, went completely numb. He stared, open-mouthed, at the couple. He could sense Sirius and James and Lily around him, but he could not hear or see them. He stared, transfixed.

Narcissa laughed at something Lucius said, too low for anyone else to hear. It was Narcissa's laugh, like the ringing of little bells. It was Narcissa's smile. She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the pub, letting the door slam behind them.

Remus dropped Sirius onto the ground and started towards the pub.

"Mooney, no!" James grabbed his arm, "It's got to be some mistake, it couldn't have been – it wasn't her."

"Then who was it?" Remus asked, finding his voice and turning on James, "I know what I saw, James, I know who it was!"

"There has to be some mistake," Lily murmured faintly, "Narcissa would never – maybe she was only acting, Remus."

Sirius picked himself up off the ground and peered into the window, "I see Lucius, but no Narcissa," he said, "Maybe we were just seeing something."

The door of the Hog's Head opened with a bang. The four of them jumped.

Trixie Lestrange was standing in the doorway, a smirk on her face.

"Waiting outside for my sister?" she asked, "I'm afraid you'll be waiting a very long time. She doesn't want to see you – any of you – again."

"You're lying!" Lily shouted, "What have you done with Narcissa?"

Trixie looked her over appraisingly, "Ah, yes. I've heard of you. Lily Evans, isn't it? Muggle-born." Her eyes swept over Lily's school uniform, covered with alcohol that James had spilled on her, "How appropriate." She turned to Sirius, who was openly glaring at her.

"My dear cousin Sirius!" she went on, ironically, "Well, I can see that seven years of magical education has done wonders for you."

"You stay out of it," Sirius muttered.

She looked right at Remus, "You must be the half-breed werewolf my sister told me she's been cavorting with all this time."

Remus' face went white.

"How dare you!" Lily screamed, pulling her wand out of her pocket.

Trixie laughed, "A sixteen-year-old Muggle girl, threatening me? You have no idea what I'm capable of, little one. I beg you not to try and find out."

She turned back to Remus, "Narcissa asked me to give you this," she said, holding out her hand.

With trembling fingers, Remus took the item she held. Clenching it in his fist, he said to her, "Get out of here. You did what you came to do."

Trixie smiled, "Have a good summer, kids."

She sauntered back into the Hog's Head, the door latching firmly behind her.

Remus opened his fingers slowly.

The diamond ring he had given Narcissa glittered in the palm of his hand.

There was a roaring sound in his ears. Behind him, as though from far away, he could hear Lily shouting, the struggling sound of James trying to restrain her, but he did not need them. He turned on his heel and walked back to the castle, clenching the diamond in his fist.


	16. Chapter 16

**Note:**

**First off, I want to thank everyone for your reviews. I never expected to get so many or get such good feedback, and I appreciate each and every one of you.**

**Second: I've gotten a lot of requests (and a few pleading/sad reviews) to make this an A/U story. When I began writing it, I had a certain idea in my head, and I'm going to finish it out to the end, the way I imagined it. It is NOT A/U, unfortunately. Everyone knows what happens to Narcissa and Remus in the end - Remus goes his separate way, which is pretty much unknown, and Narcissa marries Lucius and mothers Draco, blah blah blah sadness all the way.  
**

**HOWEVER. I've been toying with the A/U idea in my mind, and I really like the Narcissa/Remus relationship. They're both interesting characters wth pretty dark backgrounds. And with all due respect to J.K. Rowling, I don't really care much for the Remus/Tonks relationship. So I'm currently working on an A/U sequel to this, which takes place AFTER Half-Blood Prince. When I start to publish it, ya'll will be the first to know.**

**So, now that you know that this isn't A/U, if there are any of you left reading, I leave you where we left off: Chapter Sixteen. Happy reading.  
**

* * *

Narcissa awoke to darkness. Her hands scrabbled around, trying to figure out where she was, and touched cotton – the sheets of her own bed. How had she gotten here? She didn't remember. 

She sat up in bed and felt around on her bedside table for her wand. Grasping it, she whispered, "Lumos." The room was immediately filled with light. She was the only one in it. She looked down. Still in her uniform. How had this happened? Where was Lucius? Where was Remus?

She jumped out of bed and ran into the common room, half-expecting to see Lucius and Bellatrix waiting there for her. But the only students there were a couple of first-years, playing Gobstones in front of the fireplace. They looked up when they saw her, but didn't say anything.

She opened the door and stepped outside, starting down the hall. Her mind searched frantically for a few minutes. How had she gotten to her bedroom? Where were Lucius and Trixie? The sky was dark outside – they should have been there by now.

"I'll go to the Owlery," she said quietly to herself, "and see if there's been a letter from Lucius. It's not like him not to show up. He can't just have decided not to come."

Indeed, there was a letter waiting for her, by owl post:

_Narcissa –_

_Afraid I'm going to be delayed – Trixie has a nasty cough and isn't coming at all. I should be at the castle around 8:30._

_Yours,_

_Lucius._

Narcissa looked at the clock. It was 7:45. Still time enough to go to Gryffindor Tower and check on Remus. "Maybe he has some idea of what happened to me," she said to herself, pocketing Lucius' letter.

But when she got to Gryffindor Tower, someone was already standing outside of it.

"Sirius!" she called, running towards him, "Can you tell Remus I'm here?"

He looked at her, his eyes a flat, angry stare. Narcissa stopped in her tracks. It had been months since Sirius had looked at her like that.

"Sirius?' she asked hesitantly, "Is Remus there?"

"He's there," Sirius said in an odd voice, "but he won't want to see you."

"What?" she asked, uncertainly. Surely she had heard him wrong.

"He won't want to see you," Sirius said in that same strange voice. "He's up in the tower with James and Lily. They want to be alone. I was told to keep a look out for you."

Narcissa stepped back, hurt, "You were sent to keep me away from him?"

"That's what he wanted," Sirius's expression grew darker, "You seem to be missing something, Narcissa."

"What?"

"Look at your left hand."

She did as he told her, and reeled back in shock, "My – my engagement ring! It's gone!"

Sirius snorted, "You seem surprised."

"What, you think I lost it on purpose?" Narcissa snapped, searching her pockets desperately, "I haven't taken it off since Remus gave it to me. Oh, where could it be?"

Sirius held out his hand. The ring was in its palm.

Anger vanished, "Oh, thank goodness!" Narcissa reached out for it, but Sirius yanked his hand away again.

"What – Sirius, give me my ring back!" she ordered, reaching for it.

"You gave it up easily enough," Sirius accused, pocketing it.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Narcissa returned, her face growing hot. "You stand out here, accusing me of what? Of being careless? I – "

"How could you do this?" Sirius shouted suddenly, "How could you do this to him? He loved you, Narcissa!"

"What is it that I'm meant to have done?" she replied desperately, "You can't even tell me yourself!"

"Don't play coy," Sirius threatened, pointing one finger at her, "We all saw you, in Hogsmeade, with Lucius Malfoy. You were kissing him!"

Narcissa gasped, "That's a lie! That's a lie, Sirius, and you know it!"

"Do I?" Sirius asked mockingly, "Then how did we all see you?"

"Who saw us?"

"Me, James, Lily – and Remus," Sirius snapped, "So it's no good lying, you might as well stop now."

Narcissa stared at him, "But I'm not lying! I wasn't there!"

"Where were you, then?" Sirius leaned in until he was an inch away from her face, "The last we saw of you, you were outside school, watching us leave, waiting for dear Lucius and that slutty sister of yours."

"Don't you call her that!"

"Quit changing the subject. Where were you, Narcissa? Really, I'm dying to know." Sirius' dark eyes were little slits.

Narcissa stood stock still for a minute. Then, her blue eyes filled with tears.

"I don't – I don't remember," she replied faintly.

Sirius shook his head in disgust, "I bet you don't. And I bet you don't remember giving your engagement ring to your sister to give to Remus."

"Trixie?" Narcissa looked dumbfounded, "But Trixie's sick, she isn't even coming – "

"I saw her!" Sirius shouted, "I saw her, and Remus and James and Lily saw her, and we talked to her, and she gave him your ring back! Stop lying, you've got nothing to gain from it, we saw you!"

"I want to talk to Remus!" Narcissa screamed back.

"Well, he doesn't want to talk to you!" Sirius retorted, "Ever!" He turned to the portrait and said, "Dragon pox." The portrait swung open.

Without thinking, Narcissa shoved him aside and darted into the common room. Behind her, she could hear Sirius yelling something, but she didn't stop. There was a roaring in her ears. Several Gryffindor students were staring at her, but she wasn't looking at them. She could only see James and Lily, staring at her stonily.

"Isn't she in Slytherin house? Look at her uniform," she heard someone whisper.

"Lily," Narcissa said faintly, "Lily – "

But Lily stepped forward, "Go back to your common room, Narcissa," she said coldly, "There isn't any reason why you should be here."

Narcissa reeled as if she had been slapped. She had never seen Lily look at her like that, or speak to her so. Lily was her best friend at Hogwarts, besides Remus.

Remus –

Behind James, Narcissa could see the staircase leading to the boys' dormitories. He was standing in the doorway, his old jacket hanging on him; it had always been too big. He was looking at her with the saddest expression in his pale blue eyes. Sadness and betrayal were warring on his face. He blurred and faded in the tears in Narcissa's eyes.

Someone grabbed her from behind. Sirius.

"You heard Lily," he snarled, "Get out of here."

"No!" Narcissa screamed, "Remus!" She struggled against her cousin, but his grip was viselike. She didn't care if she was making a scene. She didn't care who stared at her.

"You heard him," James put in, as coldly as Lily had, "Go back to that pure-blood fiancé of yours."

"We'll give Remus back your diamond," Lily cut in, "I'm sure you can get a bigger one from Lucius."

Narcissa ignored them. She stared at Remus with pleading eyes.

"Remus," she whispered, "I wasn't there. I don't know who you saw but it wasn't me. I don't know what's going on here. I didn't do it, Remus; I would never go back to him. Please. You have to believe me, please."

His own eyes filled with tears. Silently, Remus turned and walked back up the stairs to his dormitory.

Narcissa sobbed. She wrenched herself free of Sirius' grip and fled back down the stairs, through the portrait hole, and out of sight.

* * *

Lucius found her, in the empty Slytherin common room, at 8:30. 

"Narcissa!" he said concernedly, rushing to her side and sitting down on the couch, "Narcissa, darling, what's happened?"

She could not stop crying. He put his arms around her slender shoulders and pulled her thin frame against him, rocking her, "Shhh, shhh. Everything's going to be all right. Take a deep breath. Has someone upset you?"

Narcissa shook her head, "It – it's nothing," she choked, "It's honestly nothing."

Lucius looked at her with concern, "I was hoping to find you happy and well. Your sister Trixie says that you've been writing more cheerful letters to your father; I had thought that was the case. It hurts me to see you so upset, Narcissa."

She shook her head again. How could she explain to Lucius what had happened without confessing what she had done? There was no way.

"Are you very unhappy here, darling?" Lucius murmured, stroking her blonde hair.

Narcissa swallowed. Until an hour ago, she'd been the happiest person in the world. How had everything changed so quickly? How had everything gone wrong? And more importantly, why? Why had her friends turned against her?

She knew she had not been to Hogsmeade today. The last memory she had was of sitting on the grass with Lily, waiting for the boys' examination results. And then she had woken in her bedroom. What had happened in the interim?

She looked at Lucius, "You weren't – you didn't come to Hogsmeade earlier today and not tell me about it, did you?"

"What?" Lucius tipped his head to the side and looked at her quizzically.

She sniffed, "You weren't with some blonde, were you?"

His eyes widened, "You don't possibly think - ? Narcissa, I would never go behind your back with another woman." His voice sounded hurt, "You should know by now how much I care for you."

Narcissa closed her eyes. He was not that potent an actor; nobody was. He had not been to Hogsmeade today. Why would Remus and Sirius and James and Lily make up such a story?

"Narcissa – " Lucius hesitated, "If you are so very unhappy here – you can come back with me after the term is over next week. You don't need to come back to school. We can get married as soon as you want. My mother will see to the arrangements."

Narcissa's eyes filled with fresh tears. These were words that Remus would have spoken to her if he had seen her crying. How could this be happening to her? She looked at Lucius, at his concerned gray eyes, so unlike Remus' warm gray ones. No! He's not Remus, she chastised herself unhappily. He is Lucius.

She did not want to marry him. She was not in love with him. But the man she loved – her fiancé – did not want anything to do with her. He had cast her out. True, she did not have to marry Lucius if she didn't want to. She would be an outcast, alone, friendless. She could not live with Andromeda – she knew from her sister's letters that she was struggling to get by enough, with her husband and her new baby. She was not close to Trixie – she would not want to live with her.

She found her voice, "Lucius – I do not want to be married – just yet," she amended, staring at her hands. "But I do not want to return to school next year. Or finish this year." She looked up at him, "I'll pack my things. Please take me home."

Lucius nodded slowly, "All right then. We'll leave tonight. I'll go to Professor Slughorn and explain things to him."

He kissed her cheek lightly and left the room.

The tears Narcissa had been holding in spilled out over her cheeks. She looked down at her left hand, to the finger that, until a few hours ago, had been adorned with that tiny, imperfect diamond ring.

"Oh, Remus," she whispered.


	17. Chapter 17

"She's still pining for him," Lucius muttered, annoyed, two weeks later. He pulled the drapes aside on one of the dining room windows and watched Narcissa as she idly walked through the rose gardens, a sad expression blighting her pretty face.

"What did you expect?" Trixie asked him, "It was going to take more than two weeks."

"I don't think she's going to give in," Lucius went on, as if he hadn't heard. He turned to Trixie, "I don't think she's going to marry me."

"Why wouldn't she?" Trixie demanded, "It isn't as if she has anywhere else to go."

Lucius shook his head, "She won't talk about arrangements or dates, or anything that has to do with the wedding. And she isn't wearing the engagement ring I gave her."

"She said it was too big," Trixie replied, then laughed, "And it was. Four carats, wasn't it?"

Lucius flushed.

"You were hoping she'd forget all about Remus Lupin," Trixie went on, "What you didn't plan on was her being in love with him. Even your diamond can't make her forget that."

Lucius looked away from her.

"Then there's nothing to be done, is there?" he asked, "Perhaps I should just give in. Perhaps we're both better off."

"What, and give up before we've lost?"

Trixie slithered off of one of the stools along the private bar and walked over to him.

"We HAVE lost, Trixie," Lucius replied, "She doesn't love me. She never has, and she never will. You're right, not even diamonds are going to make her forget Lupin."

"No, not diamonds," Trixie said suggestively.

Lucius looked at her.

"What are you suggesting?"

"There's a spell," Trixie began, "It would ensure that she would forget all about Remus Lupin – and anything else you wanted her to. The Auralium Curse."

"A curse?" Lucius asked.

"Well, not so much a curse as a complicated spell," Trixie amended, "It's difficult, but I'm sure you can manage it."

"Me? I don't understand."

"It's simple," Trixie said, her lips curving into a devious smile, "You cast the spell on Narcissa, and she forgets everything. Everything – until the event of your death. You control who and what she remembers. You tell her what you want her to hear. She'll forget all about Remus Lupin – and anyone else but you."

Lucius stood as if stone. There was a transfixed expression on his face.

Then he spoke.

"You are asking me to corrupt her mind," he said coldly, "I will not do it! I have more pride than that, Bellatrix! I will not force or coerce her to do anything she would not willingly do."

"Don't make yourself out to be a saint," Trixie replied icily, "Since when have you cared if someone has done something willingly or not? Don't forget – you were the one who kissed me in Hogsmeade, after I drank the Polyjuice Potion with Narcissa's hair in it. You didn't mind a little coercion then, did you?"

"Stop," Lucius ordered.

"Or what?" Trixie taunted, "You can't back down now, Malfoy. You owe me. You owe the Dark Lord."

Lucius turned white, "What did you say?"

Trixie looked triumphant, "Stupid. How do you think I got a hold of all those ingredients for the Polyjuice Potion? Who do you think told me how to perform the Auralium Curse?" She smiled, "He helped me help you. And now you have to help him."

"Or what?" Lucius asked, his face now ashy, "What will you do if I don't?"

She pulled her long, thing wand from her pocket, "Or – or I might just have to do a little coercion of my own," she said meaningfully, "I assume you've heard of the Imperious Curse?"

Lucius' eyes were wide.

"Face it," Trixie went on, "you're the servant of the Dark Lord now. And unless you want Narcissa – and yourself – to die, you'd better do as he says."

Lucius looked out the window again. Narcissa had walked out of sight.

"Tell me what to do," he whispered.

* * *

In London, the Hogwarts Express was finally stilled, for the last time for many of its students. Lily, James, Sirius and Lupin stood awkwardly on the platform, surrounded by bags and trunks, none of them knowing what to say to the others. 

"It's – it's not going to be the same," Lily began awkwardly, clutching James' hand, "going back to Hogwarts, and none of you there."

It was a lie. Or at least a partial lie. Lily had barely spoken to any of them before this past year. Remus shouldered his knapsack and wished this conversation were over. The real person that Lily would miss would be Narcissa. They would all miss Narcissa.

Remus would never forget waking up the morning after the Hogsmeade trip and deciding that he would go talk to Narcissa, listen to her side of the story. He had dressed early and walked down the corridors to the Slytherin common room entrance. But as he raised his hand to knock, the bit of wall had swung open, and Severus had emerged.

His black eyes had narrowed.

"She isn't there," he had broken in, as Remus opened his mouth.

"What? Where did she go?" Remus had asked, his heart dropping into his stomach again.

Severus smiled, "Well, you obviously didn't want her anymore, did you?" he had drawled triumphantly, "She's gone off with Lucius Malfoy. You know," he leered, "Her REAL fiancé."

Remus had never been a violent person. He let James and Sirius reserve that trait. But Severus' cruel words had been too much for him. He had split his knuckle to the bone on Severus' nose, breaking it.

James squeezed Lily's hand involuntarily. The single diamond solitaire sparkled on it in the late afternoon sunlight. It had not been the joyous occasion that Lily had hoped for: too conscious of Remus' pain, James had snuck into Hogsmeade right after finals and presented Lily with a small round diamond ring in private. Lily had not shown it to Sirius and Remus; she had let them notice it themselves, and nobody had spoken of it on the way home.

Sirius cleared his throat, "Moony, mate," he said slowly, with false bravado, "What say you to staying at my place for awhile? I've got plenty of room to spare – "

"No, thanks," Remus replied, shouldering his heavy pack again and averting his eyes, "I have to go see my mum and dad – they'll be expecting me."

"Right," Sirius replied, "Well, if you ever need a place – to crash," his voice trailed off awkwardly. There was nothing else to say.

James nudged Sirius, "Hey, isn't that your cousin?"

Remus fought the urge to look around. It wasn't Narcissa. It couldn't be.

"It is!" Sirius said excitedly, "Oy! Andromeda!"

He had not seen her in a very long time, not since she had graduated from Hogwarts. Now, she was fighting through the crowds of excited parents, trying to reach him.

Andromeda Black Tonks was three years older than Narcissa, two years younger than Bellatrix, and as unlike either as could be. She was not tall, like Bellatrix, or willow-figured, like Narcissa. She was of middle-height, with a somewhat shapeless figure that owed itself to the small bundle wrapped in her arms. Her hair was brown, like Trixie's, but was not thick and glossy, but thin and mouse-colored. Her eyes were too wide for her face, and they were of such a plain color that they were easily forgettable. Sirius had always wondered why the Rosiers had hankered after Andromeda in the first place. She wasn't exceptionally pretty, but she had a good heart, and she was easy to talk to. She was smiling at Sirius, but her smile looked forced, and with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach, Remus realized that her eyes were fixed on him.

"Sirius!" she managed to smile as she greeted him, giving him a one-armed hug, "Congratulations on your graduation."

Sirius grinned foolishly, "And I take it this is your little one?"

"This is Nymphadora, yes," Andromeda beamed. She pulled aside one corner of pink blanket so that they could get a better look at her.

James reeled, "Her hair is blue!"

Sure enough, the infant girl happily sleeping in the confines of pink blanket had a scalp full of deep blue curls.

Andromeda laughed in spite of herself, "She's meant to look that way. She's a Metamorphmagus – she changes her appearance at will. Although she doesn't know she's doing it yet. I'm not really eagerly awaiting the day that she learns she can do it herself – I may never find her again." She kissed the blue ringlets.

Only Remus was not surprised. He knew about Nymphadora and her special powers – Narcissa had told her, in a letter that she'd received from Andromeda.

"That's a really unusual name – Nymphadora," Lily commented.

"Yes, named her after my great-aunt Nymphadora – or just Dora, as we called her," Andromeda explained, "Ted – my husband, Ted – doesn't like it, but what can you do."

She turned to Remus, "I came to speak to you."

Remus shook his head, "I don't think there's anything to be said, Mrs. Tonks."

She stared at him, "There's lots to be said."

Sirius touched his cousin's arm, "Andromeda, listen, he doesn't want to hear anything about – he's been through enough already, see."

"That's nothing compared to what she's going through," Andromeda shook him off, "And from what she's told me, you all ought to be ashamed of yourselves, treating her like you did."

"Like we did?" Sirius said in disbelief, "We didn't do anything to her! You should have seen her, snogging Lucius Malfoy – "

"Enough!" Remus shouted. He looked at Andromeda. "You may think you have the whole story, but you don't. If she was innocent, why did she run off with Malfoy?"

"Because you lot wouldn't listen to her!" Andromeda replied, frustrated, "You wouldn't listen to her side of the story."

"We didn't have to," Sirius broke in, "We know what we saw."

"Sirius, shut up!" both Remus and Andromeda hollered at him. Sirius stepped back, subdued.

Remus turned back to Andromeda, "I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have turned away from her." He stiffened his shoulders, "But I know what I saw. You weren't there; we were."

"She would never have done that to you!" Andromeda cried, "Remus, she's in love with you!"

"I can't listen to this anymore," Remus said brokenly. He turned his back on them and walked away, towards the interior of the station.

"Remus!" James shouted. He didn't turn around. He was going to go where nobody would follow him.

He was going to go to Narcissa.


	18. Chapter 18

After dinner, Narcissa went into her quarters at the mansion. She went to her trunk and opened the lid. Kneeling beside it, she took out a small box and opened that. Inside were the items she had lovingly put away, so she didn't have to see them anymore. They reminded her too much of what she had lost.

The perfume that Sirius had given her – the scarf, a birthday gift from Lily – the aquamarine earrings from James – and all of Andromeda's letters. There was one more thing – a picture of her and Remus, taken at Hogsmeade around Easter. In the picture, they were smiling and laughing, faces full of joy. Narcissa's eyes filled with tears. She slowly wrapped the picture in a piece of fabric, and placed it into the box again.

"Cissy?"

Trixie was standing in the door way. Narcissa turned her back on her and put the box back into the trunk.

"What do you want, Trixie?" she asked her, "Shouldn't you be downstairs with the boys?"

Trixie snorted, "They don't need me. They're going to drink brandy and discuss politics, VERY boring." Her dark eyes sparkled mischievously, "I thought we might have some girl talk." She sat down on the plush-covered chair next to Narcissa's nightstand and looked at her sister expectantly.

Narcissa shook her head, "I don't feel like chatting much, Trixie. I'm sure you understand."

Trixie fluffed out her long brown hair and crossed one leg delicately over the other. Choosing her words carefully, she said, "I can only imagine how difficult this all must be for you."

Narcissa didn't move.

Trixie licked her lips, "Especially – since your boyfriend and all your friends have abandoned you."

Narcissa whipped around so fast her neck cracked. She stared wide-eyed at her sister, "What – how – I don't know what you mean."

Trixie laughed, not unkindly, "Cissy. Do you really think that Lucius and I don't know what happened? We know all about it – your love affair with Remus Lupin."

Narcissa covered her face with her hands.

"Now, sweetie, don't despair," Trixie knelt on the floor with her sister and combed her fingers through the long golden hair, "Lucius forgives you and he's practically forgotten the whole thing anyway."

"It doesn't matter," Narcissa replied, her voice muffled, "I'll never forget it. Any of it."

Perfect, Trixie thought, smiling.

"You know, Cissy," she began, stroking her sister's hair comfortingly; "there is a way you could forget it – all of it – if you really wanted to."

Narcissa lifted her head. Her eyes were wet. "What do you mean?"

Speaking slowly and deliberately, careful to leave out anything about Lucius, Rodolphus, or the Dark Lord himself, Bellatrix told her sister about the Auralium Curse. When she was finished, Narcissa's mouth was open.

"You're asking me to give up – everything I have left?" she whispered, "All I have of Remus are memories – you're asking me to give those up?"

Trixie frowned, "If my memory serves me right, you're asking Lucius to give up a lot more than that," she replied, picking some nonexistent lint from her skirt, "He's giving up his pride, taking you back. After all," she said slyly, "if I know, and he knows, how many other people do you think know about you and Remus?"

Narcissa's vision blurred with tears. I must have cried an ocean by now, she thought bitterly, and for what? Remus isn't crying any tears. Nobody else is sad. I'm the only one who is crying for what I've lost.

"Come on," Trixie whispered, tantalizingly, "A new life. Forget the pain. Start fresh. It's a chance many people would die for, Cissy. All you have to do is take the plunge."

Narcissa looked into her truck. She reached in and took the box out again, and handed it to Trixie.

"Take this, then," she told her, "I won't need it anymore."

* * *

Morning dawned blood-red. Narcissa woke early and decided to take one more walk around the Malfoy's grounds, alone. She dressed quietly, left a note on her dresser in case Trixie or Lucius came looking for her, and started out across the wet grass. 

It was June. Hot, even in the mornings. Narcissa braided her hair and looped it up on top of her head, to keep it off her back. Even the early morning sunlight was sticky. Her simple white dress clung to her, and it wasn't even 10 AM yet.

In another hour or so, Lucius would perform the curse. She would forget everything.

_Good riddance_, she thought. What was there to even miss anymore?

She took her sandals off and walked barefoot in the grass. So many memories of this place. She would be glad to be rid of them. The afternoon when she first came to the Malfoys, when she was only six years old. The mornings she spent on that swing over there, hanging from the maple, hiding from Lucius and his friends. The day she ran away, crying, because a letter came telling her that her dear mother had died, and she hadn't even been there to say goodbye.

What will this place look like, when I can't remember any of this?

She took a deep breath. She could smell the hydrangeas, the lilacs almost out of season, the late spring roses. In a few hours, it would all be over. Trixie had promised that it wouldn't hurt. She laughed a little. Even if it did, would she remember it?

Time to go back.

As she walked towards the manor doors, she thought she saw something in the bushes, something vaguely human. But when she looked back, it was gone.

* * *

Lucius and Trixie, and Trixie's husband Rodolphus, were waiting on the French balcony of Narcissa's quarters when she returned. 

"There's our girl," Trixie said warmly, "Nervous?"

"Only a little," Narcissa lied. She wasn't nervous at all.

"It will only take a minute," Rodolphus said. Narcissa was surprised. He rarely said anything at all, and when he did, it wasn't to her. She was vaguely aware of how incredibly young she was, compared to the rest of them. Lucius and Trixie were both twenty-two, and Rodolphus was close to twenty-five. She felt like a child among them.

To her surprise, Lucius looked terribly nervous. He kept shifting his wand from one hand to the other, and his eyes were all over the place. Narcissa's heart went out to him. _Poor thing, _she thought._ He must hate what he's going to do to me_.

She walked over to him and touched him lightly on the arm. Lucius avoided her eyes.

"I just want you to know," she said, "how terribly sorry I am. For everything. And that I really do thank you, for what you're going to do for me."

She kissed him on the cheek. His skin was clammy, as if he'd recently had a fever.

"You – you'd better stand over there," Lucius stammered, indicating the edge of the balcony.

"We're going to do it in here?" she asked in surprise.

"You're not going to be feeling your best when it's over," Trixie broke in, "You'll need a lot of rest. Best to do it in your bedroom."

Narcissa nodded. She walked to the edge of the balcony and took another long, last look over the grounds.

And then, in the distance, she saw Remus.

He had caught sight of her, and he was running towards the manor at a breakneck pace.

Her heart soared in her chest. Remus! He was coming for her!

"Say goodbye, Cissy," Trixie murmured, behind her.

The curse!

Narcissa whirled around, her hand up to shield her face. "Lucius, no! Wait a minute!"

Lucius had his wand aimed at her. "Bella, I can't do it!" he cried.

Trixie's eyes were fixed on the grounds behind Narcissa.

"Lucius, do it now!" she shrieked.

"Remus!" Narcissa screamed.

"_Auralias_!"

Fiery pink light shot out of his wand, straight at Narcissa. She screamed, an almost animal cry, as the pink light engulfed her from head to toe. Lucius dropped his wand in terror. Rodolphus' expression did not alter. Only Bellatrix smiled, almost comically, as Narcissa screamed and writhed in pain.

Almost as soon as it began, it was over. The light faded. Narcissa fell into a heap on the stone balcony, and lay still.

"Narcissa!" Lucius ran over and lifted her limp body into his arms.

"Put her on her bed," Trixie ordered. "I'll tend to Remus Lupin."

Lucius stopped with Narcissa draped over his arms, "Lupin is here?"

"He should be downstairs by now," Trixie said, "He was running across the lawn at Narcissa."

Lucius started, "You saw him? He came back for her – and you let me do this to her?"

Trixie's eyes flashed. "Rodolphus, you handle this," she snapped, "I'm going to go take care of the werewolf."

As she ran down the stairs and out of sight, Rodolphus turned his dark eyes on Lucius.

"You know what we told you. You are the Dark Lord's servant now. Surely you weren't about to back out of your agreement for the sake of a sixteen-year-old and her schoolgirl crush on a werewolf." His eyes flashed, just as Trixie's had, "Or is her life worth throwing away your future on?"

Lucius shuddered. He carried Narcissa's limp form over to her bed and laid her down on it.

The door to her bedroom burst open. Remus Lupin ran in, with Trixie hot on his heels.

"Narcissa!" he breathed. Then he saw Lucius, standing over her.

"Get away from her!" he shouted, pulling his wand from his pocket and aiming it at him, "Don't you touch her!"

Lucius stepped back silently.

Sweat was pouring down Remus' face. He turned to Trixie, "What have you done to her?"

"Save your breath," Trixie spat, "We didn't do anything to her. She's got a fever. Touch her forehead, you'll see."

Remus sat down on the edge of Narcissa's bed and touched her forehead with his hand. Sure enough, it was raging hot, tendrils of hair sticking to it. He brushed them aside and took out his wand. "_Aguatica_," he muttered, and cool water poured from his wand onto her forehead. He touched it with his hand again.

"It's going back to normal," he said, "Why won't she wake?"

"We haven't tried to wake her yet," Rodolphus answered in a strange voice.

Remus looked at Bellatrix, "I don't care what you say. I know you – you and him," here he pointed at Lucius, "did something – you tricked me into believing that Narcissa would betray me. And I was foolish enough to believe it." His eyes narrowed, "Not anymore. When she's well enough, she's coming with me. I don't care what you do or say."

"That's all well and good," Trixie replied, "if she still wants you."

She took Lucius and Rodolphus by the arm.

"Come on," she said cunningly, "Let's give these two a moment alone."

Remus looked at Narcissa's beautiful stilled face.

There was only one way to know.

He aimed his wand at her and whispered, "Ennervate."

Narcissa's blue eyes fluttered open. Her hand went to her forehead, as if in pain.

"Narcissa," Remus whispered, "It's me. It's Remus."

She blinked twice, stared at him.

"Oh, Cissa, I'm so sorry," he murmured, "Can you ever forgive me?"

She didn't say anything.

"It was – it was a trick," he went on, "Your sister – Lucius – they tricked me into believing you had betrayed me. But I know you didn't. I know you would never do such a thing. I'm so sorry I wouldn't listen to you. Can you forgive me, please, Cissa?"

Her eyes were so wide. Something wasn't right.

With difficulty, Narcissa sat up in bed.

"I – I don't know who you are."

Remus stared at her.

"What?"

If it was possible, her eyes went even wider. Fear was lit within them.

"I don't know who you are. Who are you? What are you doing here?" she asked, frightened.

"What? Narcissa, it's me, it's Remus!" he cried, "What are you saying?"

"Leave me alone!" Narcissa tried to get up, but she was too weak. She pushed her way out of the bed and fell on the floor.

"Narcissa!" Remus bent to pick her up, but the minute his hand closed around her arm, she began screaming, an unreal, catlike scream.

Lucius and Trixie ran into the room. Acting quickly, Trixie screamed, "_Obliviate!_", aiming her wand at Narcissa, who immediately stopped struggling and went still, slack-jawed. Lucius grabbed Remus and yanked him to his feet.

"I'll thank you," he snarled, "not to come here and frighten my fiancé anymore!"

"No!" Remus screamed, "She can't be telling the truth! She knows who I am! She knows! Narcissa! NARCISSA!"  
Lucius looked furious, and scared. Gripping Remus' arms, he shouted to Trixie, "I thought you said she wouldn't wake for hours!"

Trixie glared at him, "Get him out of here, or I'll have to Stun her again!"

"NO!" Remus screamed, "Narcissa! NO!"

But Narcissa's eyes were wide and staring, her mouth slack, her face empty.

"Dobby!" Lucius shouted. The house elf appeared, trembling, "Take this man and get him out of my sight, off of the grounds if you can manage it. He is not to enter this house again! That is an ORDER."

"Yes, master," Dobby managed. He looked at Remus with something like pity in his eyes and snapped his fingers.

"NARCISSA!" Remus screamed, as a wind like a tornado whipped around him, and blew him from the manor room, through the window, and out of sight.


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: This is the last chapter. I know everyone was hoping for an A/U ending, but as you can see from Chapter 18, it isn't going to be. **

**However:**

**As promised, I have begun writing a sequel to White Flower, Silver Moon, with an A/U theme. I published the first chapter today, and am currently working on more. I will write as fast as inspiration and schoolwork allow, and I thank everyone here for their reviews thus far. I hope you will read and comment on the second story. It's published under the title A Night Without Stars. **

**Happy reading. **

* * *

The Leaky Cauldron was nearly empty these days, Remus thought as he entered one snowy evening. A few years ago, the pub would have been filled of a Friday evening. But now, with Death Eaters everywhere and Voldemort on the loose, more people were staying in, or had gone into hiding. 

Remus requested a private parlor and ordered a firewhisky. He didn't usually indulge, but tonight was a special night. A bittersweet night, to be more specific. One last drink with the boys, before – well, he didn't want to think anymore about it.

"Moony?"

A chunky man wearing plain blue robes had wandered up to the table. Remus smiled.

"Peter. Have a seat."

Peter Pettigrew looked around him, worried, "How have you been, Moony?"

"Pretty much the same. And yourself?" Remus looked concerned, "Still keeping out of trouble?"

"Almost impossible, these days," Peter looked around shiftily, then ordered a scotch and soda. Remus smiled in spite of himself. Peter had never had a head for liquor – not even in their school days. "Are Sirius and James here, yet?" he asked.

"Should be, any minute," Remus replied easily.

"How're your mum and dad?" Peter asked.

Remus did not reply. His parents were not well, but then again, who was, these days? Life was hard for everyone. Especially for an Auror. That was an Auror's life.

Peter began to spin his glass nervously, "I never thought – we'd end up like this," he said awkwardly, "Look at us – twenty-one, and everything's so messed up."

Remus nodded.

"Moony, old friend."

Sirius and James had arrived. Remus smiled, this time gratefully. Nothing was ever awkward with these two. "Padfoot, Prongs. Pull up a couple of stools and sit down."

The two of them had aged considerably since the last time he'd seen them, and James' and Lily's wedding, he noticed. Sirius was still as handsome as ever, but his face was growing thinner, and his hair was longer, less kempt. James, Remus noticed with admiration, was still as rumpled and boyish as ever – except that his face was lined with worry now, where no worry had lighted on it five years ago.

Five years. Was that really how long it had been?

"You look good, James," Remus commented.

"Fatherhood agrees with him," Sirius grinned.

Remus perked up, "That's right. How is Harry?"

James's smile almost split his face, "Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Getting big, too. Looks just like me, when I was little," he added proudly.

"God forbid," Sirius teased. James cuffed him.

Peter cleared his throat, "I hear," he said to James, "you're going into hiding."

James nodded grimly, "Dumbledore's orders. Lily and me and Harry leave tomorrow. Sirius here's going to be our Secret-Keeper."

Remus nodded. Peter looked from Sirius to James and to Sirius again.

"We can't stay long," James said quietly, "Anyone could be in here."

"I know," Remus replied. "I just – wanted to have one more – " His voice trailed off.

"Listen, Moony," Sirius said, "If anything should happen –"

"Nothing's going to," James said fiercely.

"But if it does," Sirius hesitated, "We want you to know – "

Remus felt a lump in his throat. He looked around the table at his old friends. Handsome Sirius. Confident James. Worrywart Peter.

"I will never forget any of you," he said quietly. "We must never forget what passed between us."

The three of them nodded.

"That way – "

His eyes closed for a moment, remembering snowflakes falling onto featherlight eyelashes. He opened them again.

"– we'll never truly lose each other."

* * *

"That's enough now, Draco," Narcissa cooed, putting the bottle down on the table and kissing her baby on his chubby cheek, "What a big boy you're getting to be!" 

She lifted him high into the air and blew a raspberry on his tummy. Draco squealed with laughter and Narcissa joined in. She snuggled him to her and walked into her husband's study.

"Lucius," she said, "I'm going to put the baby to bed. Are you going to sleep anytime soon?"

Lucius was sitting in the old easy chair that had belonged to his father before him, staring into the fire. "I'll be along in a little while, Narcissa," he said faintly.

Narcissa looked at him sadly for a minute. Poor Lucius always seemed to be so stressed, always staring off into the distance, as if he was thinking about something unpleasant. But whenever she asked him, he only told her that it was nothing, nothing for her to be concerned about, at least.

Narcissa walked upstairs and into Draco's nursery. She put him into his mahogany crib and kissed him on the duck fluff on his round head. "Goodnight, darling," she murmured. Draco yawned and sucked his thumb contentedly.

She left the door opened a crack and walked back down the hall to her bedroom. The huge French windows let so much light in, and on nights like this – snow nights – the sky was an orange violet color, and the room was bright as day. Narcissa walked over to the window and looked out onto the snowy grounds.

Something about snowy winter nights always made her nostalgic for the past she couldn't remember. Narcissa traced her fingers along the glass of the window, drawing a small heart in the moisture. She sighed a little.

Why did she feel like this? She loved her life. True, she was only twenty, which was a bit young to be married and have a child. But Lucius was nothing if not a model husband – and Draco was the light of her life. She couldn't have asked for anything more.

It had been so difficult. She remembered nothing - Lucius had told her everything. About the car accident that had erased every memory of her life before the age of seventeen. About how he had been betrothed to her when she was six – and how he was in love with her. They had waited a year before they had been married, and while Narcissa did love him very much, she was still haunted by the past she didn't remember. Why did it torment her so?

Draco –

She smiled softly. Draco had been born only ten months after their wedding – in October. He was the ray of sunshine in her dark past, a beautiful baby with her soft blonde hair and his father's gray eyes. Everything about him was pure and untainted.

_He is the only memory I have, _she thought,_ that I remember from the beginning, that nobody had to tell me._

In the moisture on the glass, inside the heart, she traced her initials: N. M. She drew a plus sign+

"Narcissa?"

Lucius came up behind her in the dark and kissed her cheek softly. "I thought you were going to bed."

"I'm restless," she answered. "Isn't it a beautiful night?"

Lucius wrapped his arms around her waist, "Bit snowy for my taste."

"Mmm," she hesitated, "Lucius?"

"Yes?"

"Before – before the accident." She felt him stiffen slightly. Lucius didn't like talking about the accident. It was a bad memory for him. She pressed on, "did – was there ever anyone else?"

She knew this answer even before he gave it.

"I don't know, my love," Lucius replied, sounding as if he was far away, "You were a secret to me, in many ways."

"I know," Narcissa leaned against him, "I just wish – I could remember."

Lucius swallowed and nodded, "Sometimes, I wish you could, too."

Narcissa turned to him and kissed him on the lips. Lucius seemed a little relieved.

"Let's go to bed, Narcissa," he said gently.

She turned back to the window for a moment. With one hand, she reached out and erased the heart and letters.

Then, she closed the curtains.

THE END


End file.
